Birthday Spread

So, it was my birthday last Sunday. Here's the birthday spread, courtesy of Aeclectic Tarot. There were so many 9-card spreads, I was actually really happy to find this one.

        5
1   2   3   4

1. You. At this time, in this place. Page of Wands. I am a creative spirit, feeling this urge to write, draw, dance. You name it, I want to do it. Most importantly, like him, I want to experience. Experience that wind he's feeling on his fingertip.

2. Opportunities that are coming up. 7 of Pentacles. Patience. I have been very slow and methodical about my process, it will all be worth it. Soon, I'll be able to reap the rewards of my work. I don't know when, I don't know how. All I know is that it will come.

3 Challenges that are coming up. 2 of Swords. This is about developing my ability to compromise. I'm a huge control freak, and I like getting things my way. I need to learn how to see the other side of the same coin in order to break free from impasses.

4. Gift or guidance. The Lovers. Always follow my heart. It may be scary to do so, but in the end it will worth it.

5. Wish or goal for the upcoming year. The Tower. The Tower has been popping up a lot. I've been feeling like something big is going to happen, but a welcome upheaval. Something in my spirit has been focusing on mothering. Mothering what? I don't know. Definitely not an actual child, though.

Happy Solstice!

In the spirit of the Solstice and my birthday (on Father's Day, and I'm 30-4), I do have two spreads to share, but I'm starting with the Bodhran Solstice spread from Aeclectic Tarot.

         1
4  The Sun  3
         2

1. During the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, more light is available to us. What in my life has been in shadow, that I need to shine a bright light on so I can see it clearly for what it is? Ace of Swords.

I have a tendency to be impulsive. I act without thinking, and it sometimes gets me into trouble. It definitely happens when I talk. I will inadvertently say the wrong thing without realizing it, and then I'm like "Oh, shit! Did I really say that?" I just need to take a step back and think clearly. Writing has helped with that immensely.

2. The word "solstice" comes from the Latin "sol" (meaning sun) and "sistere" (meaning to cause to stand still). What in my life am I trying to force into happening when instead I need to be still and patient? Temperance.

Lately I've been on this "work hard, party hard" thing. I've been consumed with dance and makeup for the past month that when I have this time to let loose and relax I go crazy (no drugs, I promise). Staying out until crazy hours, especially. I've found that it's just not working for me. It's just making me even more tired when all I need is that release. I think I just need to not do anything and let the release happen.

3. The Summer Solstice is often called "Midsummer" because it is roughly in the middle of the growing season. What in my life is fertile and productive now? Where are my opportunities for growth? The Fool.

This is a fun card to see. I've had been dealing with some personal issues, feeling like I had been stuck in this limbo. I was uncertain of what to do or where I was going in everything. I had a brief fling that ended a week before my birthday, and I had to dance the very day it ended (not thrilled to do so). The guy told me to dance for myself because I had to deal with all these emotions and the fact that another guy I had hooked up with was going to be there. I actually took his advice, and it was the most free I've ever felt in a long time. I truly did feel in the aftermath that something new was going to happen and that I needed to embrace what comes.

4. After Summer Solstice, the days gradually become shorter, and the sun's strength wanes as winter approaches. What is waning in my life? What do I need to release? 3 of Cups.

Ahhh, yes. The cards picked up on something that I've been thinking about doing. I've been considering taking a hiatus from performing, mostly because I felt (and often still do) like I had nothing to give. I had given so much to my teacher's students and my students, that there was nothing left for me. I think this is telling me to go forward with this break, take time to discover my stories so then I can share it with the world.

Queen of Wands - Random Thoughts

Of all of the queens, she has been my biggest nemesis. Every time she pops up in a spread, I groan because I say to myself, that woman is not me and I am not that woman. I've identified mostly with the Queen of Pentacles (I really am such a nurturing person, that's the Venus in Cancer) and to a lesser extent the Queen of Swords (when I'm in a pissy mood). I see the QoW as a woman with such a powerful spirit. When she walks into a room, everyone sees her. She's charming, energetic, and seductive. All of the things I thought I wasn't. Turns out, we're more alike than I ever realized.

Although I'm just now coming to this realization, I've thought about this over this past weekend especially since QoW came out as my shadow card during the Full Moon. On one of my little weekend dance party sprees, a guy I was snuggly with (the Devil in full effect!) told me that I have this magnetic energy, that I have this ability to draw people in. He sees it when I dance, and he saw it when I was having a conversation with another guy in the Cuddle Puddle. He even said that he hates it when I'm self-deprecating because of this magnetism, and that I should own my power.

Last night, I was at another party solo which was awesome for two reasons: 1) I got to finally meet Ikonika (amazing dubstep DJ) after sending my choreography to her over a year ago and 2) I get to dance. It was so inspiring to be in the presence of another artist I respect, and to be able to dance freely while she spun. It was another situation where I got approached by guys who noticed my dancing. I didn't do anything but dance and get really sweaty. More importantly, it was to allow myself to dance without caring what people thought.

I usually spend my time blissfully unaware about stuff like this, but now that I'm really trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me inside, I can see how she plays into my life. Originally, I was going to say that the QoW is the first queen that people encounter, but that's an overly simplified view since there are so many layers to her. She's my creative energy as well as being my social butterfly.

Full Moon

I'm back! Here's my first spread in quite some time. What else would it be other than the Full Moon Spread?

1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. The High Priestess

I started working with a book called Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Bonner. It's an interesting book so far, and I'm writing to my Voice (or Spirit Guide). I guess you can say it's therapy without actually going to a therapist, and I feel like I've been reaching into my unconscious self. It's amazing to see what has been able to come out as I write. Things that I used to think weren't a big deal turn out to be a big deal, for example. I think my main spirit guide is happy that I'm doing this. I think she even helped me find the right journal for this endeavor (I Hope You Dance was on the cover).  

2. What gets completed. What closes a cycle. 8 of Pentacles

I think this has to do with me as a makeup artist. It's having the opportunity to learn so much from amazing artists like Kathy Aragon, Johnny Lavoy, and Jon Hennessey, and being able to apply that to my craft to become a better artist.

3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you...or what needs to be. 4 of Wands

I think the carefree life is close to coming to an end. I'll need to have at least a part-time job to support my makeup career, and to fund my travels. I have to think in long term, although I usually am incapable of thinking beyond tomorrow.

0. Yourself. Shadow card, from the base of the deck. Queen of Wands

Hmm. This is interesting, because I don't really identify with her. I think she represents the creative side of myself that's really struggling to be released right now. That's the only thing I can really think of.

I live! I'm so sorry for not updating the blog. There are so many different facets of my life that has taken a hold, and now I have a little bit of breathing room. I have been reading my cards, both Secret and Dream Enchantress, and I definitely have some spreads that I can't wait to post.

DG

The Artist Spread

Wow, I haven't written in a hot minute. It's been super crazy with my part time job and with dancing. I basically work, dance, eat, shower, and sleep. This is the first time I've had a day off to just sit around and do nothing in a while, so... time for a new spread.

I remember putting this spread in my journal as one of the spreads that I would love to use. When I saw Super-Frog's entry about the Artist Spread, and it was something that I needed. I've been in such a rut creatively, and I feel like I've lost my voice (my massage therapist noted that there was tension in my jaw). I thought it would be a good spread to do. I used Dream Enchantress with it.

                      7
                   6
                5
             4
          3
       2
    1

1. How the past affects the future. 10 of Swords
I have some demons that I'm currently battling right now, and it's affecting my ability to express myself. I had a situation where someone close to me had made a comment about a new costume that I'm certain came out the wrong way, and it affected what I did when I was on the stage. I just wanted to go home and never perform in it again.

2. How the project affects you right now. Ace of Swords
I do have ideas floating around. Nothing solid yet, but I have some things going. I think I just have to be patient about it, and it will come.

3. How to begin the project. 3 of Swords
I think I have to take the time to focus. I often have so many ideas swirling around my head that nothing ends up getting done. I should take one thing, and spend the time to work on it. If I don't, nothing gets done at all.

4. How to continue the project. Queen of Cups
I have to allow myself the ability to embrace my emotions. That's the only way I'll be able to get any project going. I've found in my dance that the emotions do play a huge difference in how I feel when I'm performing.

5. How to finish the project. 7 of Cups
Let me just say right now, this is my absolute favorite card among all decks I have. It's so beautiful, I'm just filled with calm when I see it. I have to mother my project. Encourage it to develop, then set it free. Let it go out into the universe. 

6. How to share the project in a way that will lead to... 3 of Wands
I just simply have to perform it. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable by putting it out there into the world.

7. ...the future. 6 of Swords
I'll find a higher sense of being, a new place in my journey. It makes sense because in order to move on, I'll need to kill whatever is holding me hostage creatively.

New Deck Interview: Dream Enchantress

My deck collection has now reached 9! How crazy is that? I don't use most of the decks I have because most are beyond my skill of reading, but with KG's help I did some new deck interviews with Thoth and Sexual Magic. I actually did Dream Enchantress a few nights ago, but I wanted this to be first because I feel a strong connection to it. Almost similar to my connection with Secret (any coincidence that both were done by the same artist, I think not). On with the interview!

1. Tell me a little bit about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? 4 of Swords

I am a deck you can confide in. You can trust me with your secrets and your thoughts, and I'll be able to tell you what I think.

2. What are your strengths as a deck? King of Swords

I will tell you what you need to know, not necessarily what you want to know.

3. What are your limits as a deck? 6 of Pentacles

I guess, you could say my strength is also my weakness. I'm not the most giving of decks. As I said before, I'll give you what you need to know.

4. What do you bring to the table - what are you here to teach me? Strength

I want you to be confident in your abilities with me. I know I seem overwhelming because I'm not a deck for beginners, but I'll be here to guide you as you enter my world.

5. How can I best learn from and collaborate with you? 5 of Pentacles

Look beyond my appearance. You will find a richness and depth that will be most fulfilling to you.

6. What will be the outcome of our working relationship? 10 of Pentacles

I think we're going to work well together. You will find a sense of wholeness with me.

Thoughts from DG

This was inspired my a card meditation, but it's not about the cards. It's just me spewing thoughts out.

Ever so often I get this urge, this tugging need to do something. I feel the energy tingling in my palms and it trails out to the fingers. Sometimes it's a desire to add a new tarot deck to my collection (Fey and Magical Forest being the top two on my list right now), it's a desire to add makeup to my kit (Yaby's World of Pearl Paints or the Cream Foundations), it's a desire to make art (should I draw? or dance?). More often than not, it's a combination of all three. Of course, the common thread is in the artistry. Do I want to have the decks because I'm drawn to the artwork? Do I want to be able to have more tools to utilize for my career? Do I actually just want to do art when I don't have a face to work on?

At some point in all of this, I get so overwhelmed. My brain really doesn't know where to focus because I want to do all these things at once. Ultimately, nothing happens because I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to channel my energy in a productive way. Eventually, that tingling in my fingers go away, but I don't necessarily feel any better.

I decided to do a meditation on the 3 of Swords. The card showed up earlier in the month, and again during KG's reading about the future. It's something that I need to work on in order to achieve my 9 of Chalices. There were many difference instances where the 3 of Swords makes sense in my life, but for some reason I saw the many unused sketchbooks and notebooks. Ironically enough, I was anticipating dealing with stuff about my father, but it just came back to the sketchbooks. Something pulled me out of the meditation before I could dive deeper, but it was so unusual that it was about that. What is the 3 of Swords telling me about my art?

Tarotistas!

I had the great pleasure of having Kafka's Ghost visit me this weekend. It was absolutely awesome spending time with her and talking about the things we love: belly dance, makeup, and tarot! There were decks we loved (Thoth, which we now call Toth, Tarot of the Secret Forest), decks we didn't love (Haindl), decks on our wishlist... She's so fantabulous!

I also had the pleasure of doing a reading for her. It was scary in the beginning because I had never done a reading for anyone other than myself (I still refer to the Tarot Bible), and I'm reading for someone who I consider a mentor. She has such a reassuring presence that it did get easier once I laid out the cards for her. The message was quite clear, and it was very easy to read. I'm very proud of myself to actually take the plunge to read for someone else, and I'm glad my first reading experience was with KG.

She also did a reading for me using her Really Awesome 9-Card Spread, and it was so informative. The main focus of the spread turned out to be career-related, lots of Pentacles and Wands. My career, dance and makeup, are the things that I'm currently developing and nurturing. What was telling to me was that in the Future position, the 3 of Swords came up. She looked at it as an opportunity to take a look back at the past and the things that have hurt me, reconcile those things, and from there I'd achieve the 9 of Cups, satisfaction.

New Moon Reading

I haven't written on the blog in a hot minute. Sorry! I'm here though, and it's time for the New Moon Spread.

1. What lays on your dark depths. What is unseen. What we stumble against in the dark nights. Knave of Cups

Okay, Secret is just being mean right now. I swear, he likes seeing me squirm. I'm sure most people know of my interest in a certain photographer, and I feel like I've just made misstep after misstep. It's to the point where I want to beat him over the head and tell him that I want to go out on a date with him, but that's just not the way to do it. I don't know what to do anymore...  

2. What will begin to show, to arise. The Chariot

I can sum up my feelings about this card in one word: Huh? No, really. I don't understand what Secret is trying to tell me (rather, I'm sure I understand what he's trying to say, but my conscious self is blocking it). This is one of those moments where I feel like the Bride when she's trying to break that block of wood up close and she just gets a banged up hand for her efforts.

3. What will illuminate the dark path. The key in the night. Knave of Swords

This is the problem solver card. If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's coming up with a plan to get out of a bad situation. Of course, when that involves members of the opposite sex, I just retreat into myself and put a wall up.

0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. 9 of Pentacles

Whoever this woman is, I am not her. I don't feel like her under any stretch of the imagination. I can see the retreating element, but it's not a pleasurable retreat. 

Recurring Cards...

Oh, my beautiful Knave of Cups. My friend, my loyal companion. Why must you torment me so? You have come to me nearly everyday for the past two weeks. Clearly, there's something that you want me to do that I'm not doing. There's a message in your cup that I'm apparently not getting. What is it that you're trying to tell me?

I did two spreads on this, and I think both really related well to each other. Both spreads required 5 cards. Now, onto reading 1.

1. This card does not mean this!... 4 of Swords

Clearly, this means that I should not sit around and wait for something to happen.

2. ...And this won't help! Strength

Being a coward about the whole thing will not help.

3. This card does mean this!... 3 of Wands

There's a new opportunity and potential for love in store for you.

4. ...And this will help! Queen of Wands

But you have to embrace this side of yourself in order to make this happen. You must be her. Be passionate. Make yourself stand out.

5. What will I learn from understanding this card? 2 of Wands

You have to make a decision about what you want to do. Have courage to take that next step, and it will be the right one for you.

Here's the second reading.

1. Who are you? 8 of Swords

I'm not a person, per se, but rather an idea. You have been at this impasse between wanting to do something yet holding back. You don't want to get hurt, but you have to allow yourself the vulnerability to do so.

2. Why are you appearing? King of Wands

How fitting that the Queen and King appear? I definitely identify with him very well, and he represents the charming side to me. I think this is his way of saying, that I have an ability to draw people in, take advantage of that.

3. What is your significance? Knight of Cups

From a child to a teenager. I think the knave is saying that he wants to grow, but it's up to me to make it happen.

4. Where will I meet you? The Empress

I don't know about this one. This is more because I am the Empress and she is me. I think it will be in the situation where I actually embrace the Queen of Wands, that I will meet the Empress.

5. Have I met you? King of Pentacles

I'm taking that answer as a yes.

Full Moon Spread

We're in April! YAY! More time to be outside!

I've been bad about updating the blog. Stuff in life is happening. I'm feeling the effects of Mars going direct now. Still, I had to do a Full Moon Spread.

3
2
1
0

1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. 2 of Cups

Oh Secret... I see what you did there! It's certainly no coincidence that this was the same card that showed up in the New Moon spread. Three guesses as to what this is about. :-)

2. What gets completed, closes a cycle. Knight of Pentacles

This was a hard one to gauge. I think this Knight is telling me that the cautious approach to life must end. It's time to just dive in head first. My plans have shifted, and I have to enjoy the journey.

3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you, to darken....or what needs to be. 5 of Wands

I am the queen of self-sabotage, especially when I start panicking. I think this card is saying that I need to get my act together, and that sometimes I won't get things my way, but I have to continue on. I can't freak out about it. I have to deal with it and move on.

0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. The Hermit

I certainly have taken more of an introspective point of view. I'm constantly trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my financial situation and my business. I'll be continuing to build my book, but a girl's gotta have a roof over her head. I'll find a way.

The Passion Spread

I did this spread about a week ago, but things have been super crazy with photo shoots. I'm back to stressing out again (work and money stuff), so what better way to try to calm down than to do a blog about my passion.

4

3
2
1

1. What excites me at my very roots? The World
Well, this card showed up a lot last week. It's also very self-explanatory. It's freedom. It's having the ability to do what I want to do. It's the fact that I don't have a 9-5, and I work for myself. I love having the ability to be an artist, and to embrace that. I can schedule shoots for the middle of the week (though, I need to start charging once I get images back unless I'm working with an agency model) and then teach class after. I'm just not office material.

2. What supports my passion? 6 of Swords
This was a journey that I was meant to take. Losing my job, dancing a lot more, discovering my art in makeup. It's all a personal transformation for me.

3. How do I keep my passion burning hotly? 3 of Swords
Well, I just need to keep going on with my life. If I wasn't the way I am, I would be like the corpses in the snow. Not literally dead, but I think I'd be far worse than where I am. I have this huge obstacle in my way that I can't control, but I know that I just need to keep going. Eventually, the snow will stop. The sun will shine, and everything will be right in the world.

4. How do I keep it from blazing out of control? Queen of Pentacles
My queen! She's appearing everywhere. I relate to her so much, but I think Secret wants me to tap into her essence a lot more. With her, it's all about taking care to develop my passion. Don't just rush into things. Plan things carefully.

When I add up the numbers, what do I get? dun Dun DUN! The Empress. Definitely not a coincidence. I guess 2010 is shaping up to be the coming of age for me.

Unrelated note, for people who are wondering about the photographer... We had a nice 3-hour phone conversation last night. I told him that our relationship has gone beyond work, and that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. He feels comfortable being vulnerable with me too. Baby steps.

My Beauty Spread

I'm such a girly-girl. I saw the Your Beauty spread on Aeclectic Tarot, and I just had to work with it. It took a couple of attempts to get it the right feel for it, but I think this time it worked.

5  6
3  7
1
2  8
4  9

1. This represents yourself. 4 of Swords

I am often trapped by the past. I have a desire to move on and embrace whatever is in store for me, but then the feelings of getting emotionally burned creep into my spirit. As a result of that, I just stay in my shell. I never truly express what I want and who I am. It's the drawback to having a Venus in Cancer. That or Secret was telling me that I needed to go to bed.  

2. This represents your beauty. 8 of Swords

There is a vulnerability to my beauty. It yearns to shine, but it's scared to. Of course this ties into the 4 of Swords. Being burned from the past just wants my beauty to shy away and be invisible. At the same time, it does want to be able to come forth and be present, but it doesn't want to get hurt again.

3. What your beauty consist of. Strength

I think that there is an inner strength to my beauty that I have yet to embrace. I will be able to bring out the best in myself and the best in others.

4. What your beauty can offer others. 5 of Wands



I have absolutely no idea what this means in regards to what it can offer other people. I'll have people fighting over me? I wish...

5. How you see your beauty. The World

I'm beginning to acknowledge that I'm me. I'm flawed in many ways, and that's what makes me beautiful. I used to cringe at seeing my stretch marks, my bad skin, or my surgery scar, but I can't change that. It's better to let them be a part of me than to spend time hating myself over it. Now that I'm thinking about my view of the card while writing this out, I think back to the photo shoot I did in the park. It was so freeing, it was so amazing. I felt beautiful.

6. How others see your beauty. Knave of Pentacles

There are women out there who are just so beautiful and striking that they're almost unapproachable. I can't really think of a woman who's like that, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I... am not one of those women. That's not to say that I'm putting myself down. It's more like, there's a practical approach. People see that I don't wear makeup except for when I dance, and that adds a humanistic, for lack of a better term, approach. My beauty doesn't intimidate others.

7. Why people are intimidated by your beauty. Queen of Cups

I think people are intimidated by my beauty because it's disarming. I seem to have this ability to draw stories out of people. As much as I like to talk about myself, I think people open up to me and express their feelings to me. It reminds me of this book called the Passion Principle by Donna LeBlanc, where the author categorizes people into the Lover, Creator, Warrior, Visionary, and Prophet. I most identified with the Creator, as someone who tends to be the shoulder to cry on and focuses so much on other people at the expense of my own needs. The Pisces Moon allows me to feel other people's energy, and I think people may get freaked out by that.

8. What your beauty wants you to know. Queen of Pentacles

My beauty wants me to stay true to myself, but I also need to take care of my body. I need to work out more. Take care of my home. I definitely need to go out into nature a lot more as well. Sometimes, walking around the neighborhood makes a whole world of difference.

9. How your beauty will remain at old age. Queen of Swords

It looks like, I'll have to learn about different beauty regimens to keep my youthful appearance and vitality. 

The first thing that struck me was that three of the four queens came out. It's also quite telling that the Queen of Wands didn't appear. It's because I'm the least like her. I don't have that certain energy that Queen possesses. Even though she's hunched over, she still has a presence about her. If I see her, I know that I have to pay attention to her. The others have a different presence about them. The Queen of Cups doesn't appear much, but I relate to her in a way that I lack with the Queen of Wands.

New Moon Reading

We are now in the New Moon while it's void of coursing. Bye Pisces, my lunar sign. Hello, Aries!

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2
1
0

1. What lays on your dark depths. What is unseen. What we stumble against in the dark nights. 6 of Swords

I think this has to do with a personal transformation that relates to my shadow card. I am not a Knight of Wands by any stretch of the imagination, but if I do this one thing that the Knight of Wands would do, it could be the spark of something new.

2. What will begin to show, to arise. 9 of Cups

Hmmm... This is my artist card. It hasn't come up in a while, but when it does I'm usually feeling fabulous, sensual, and sexy (I haven't been feeling like either of these, nor have I been artistically focused). Maybe this will be the time to be a little self-indulgent and get some pretty little things for myself.

3. What will illuminate the dark path. The key in the night. 2 of Cups

Secret is being all smart-assey with me right now. He knows that's the kind of card (the Knave of Cups applies to this as well) that scares the hell out of me because I do not want to get my hopes up about the photographer.

0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. Knight of Wands

I don't really identify with this knight all that much. I think this is Secret's way of saying that I should begin to embrace the daring and somewhat reckless side of myself. It makes sense that Secret would say that because as much as I would love to do certain things, especially when it comes to the opposite sex, I hesitate and think of a million reasons under the sun not to do it.

Err... I guess Secret recommends that I ask this boy out already.

Palette of Creative Possibilities

I found this absolutely amazing spread on TarotPassages.com called the Palette of Creative Possibilities. Considering that I'm feeling very artistic but having major difficulties in choosing how to express it (wanting to dance, to design costumes for dance and Burning Man, to do makeup etc.), it was just a great spread to find. I'm not even going to attempt recreating the layout on here, but you can see it on the link.

1. The grip: What hold does the creative process have on me at this time? The World

Wow. What a card to appear as the very first card. This card is about my freedom of expression. For the longest time, I felt like I couldn't do that, but now I may actually have the opportunity to do so. It's quite amazing to be able to be free to dance and to do art. It's the place that makes me the happiest.

2. My brushes: How can I best utilize the tools at hand? The Star

It's about trusting in my skills. It's trusting in my abilities. Once I do that, I can develop my creativity even further. I have to trust in my years of dance. Trust that I've learned a lot in makeup and that I still have a lot to learn.

3. Primary color: What sparks my creative impulses? The Lovers

It's what my soul needs. I don't choose when the spark happens. It just does. It's a tug in my gut that I can't ignore. I don't always act on this impulse, but it's so overwhelming actually.

4. Secondary color: What fuels my motivation? 8 of Pentacles

I have a desire to make it perfect. I want it to be clean and polished while allowing my art to express my point of view. I also have a never-ending desire to learn. I'm willing to clean brushes all day if it means that I can learn techniques from a great MUA. I love taking dance workshops and being a student. It's like, yes, I've been belly dancing for over eight years, but I love the feeling of being a complete beginner with the frustrations and all (I think a Suhaila workshop is next on my list).

5. Tertiary color: What drives my long-term commitment to the project? The Hanged Man

I'm giving myself to the universe, and for that moment when I'm on the stage or working on a face or in a sketchbook I'm in a vulnerable place. I've been feeling more that when I do an emotionally meaningful piece, I'm reaching something/one that's beyond my scope of understanding.

6. Painting medium: What can I add to extend and develop my creativity to bring it to a finished result? 8 of Swords

One of the gripes that I have when I see a lot of dancers, especially in tribal fusion, is that I see the technique and the tricks in the movement, but it often misses that something extra. That thing that draws me in and lets me join in on the experience. When I perform, I often wonder if I'm resting on my laurels, and not truly engaging the audience. At the same time, it's scary to be that vulnerable that I just want to show the technique and tricks. I have to endure the really scary aspect of my dance in order to take it to a higher place.

I'm going to sum up this reading in two words: Holy shit! Four majors, and a pair of 8s. Aeclectic Tarot's definition of the 8s involves courage and transformation. It's about having the strength to make change. Wow, how very telling, indeed. I also added up the numbers of the Majors which came to 11 - Justice, and reduced to the High Priestess. Justice is saying that I spent a good portion of my life doing one thing, while denying a part of myself that really wanted to come out. I guess the lay-off has allowed for that other part to come back. The High Priestess is showing me how I can do this while being in the current place I'm in.

Personal Year Spread

YAY! I'm back home from Vegas. Actually, I got in at 8:45 yesterday morning, then stayed at my mom's apartment for half the day. Two days is actually the perfect amount of time to be there. Despite the fact that I played poker in college, I don't really like to gamble much. The hotels on the strip are basically over-sized malls filled with stores that I can find at home. The highlight was seeing Cirque du Soleil's Ka. Absolutely moving artistically.

Now, enough about my time in Vegas. On to spreads! I had to work with Secret and Mermaids once I got home. This spread I found on Aecletic Tarot called the Personal Year spread. Considering that we are in the year of the Empress, and that's my personality and soul card, it was fitting to do it.

       4
3             5
      S/1
2             6
        7

S: The Empress

1. What do I bring to this current cycle? 10 of Cups

Despite everything that has gone on in the past year, I'm still maintaining a positive outlook on life. It has been such a major upgrade from the place I was last year.

2. What is this cycle's beneficial influence? 7 of Cups

I have this need to do so many different things, but I don't know where to begin. I want to take art classes, go back to the gym, pole dance, choreograph, do yoga, meditate, create my altar... All of that usually happens while I'm in bed.

3. What blocks or oppostions do I need to be aware of? The Magician

I may be so focused on myself and what I want that I may not see the big picture. Sometimes, it's just not all about me.

4. What area of my life will be most influenced by this cycle? Ace of Wands

It's creative bursts. It's having the ability to be artistic and creative.

5. What do I need to learn during this cycle? 3 of Wands

I need to learn to create opportunities for myself instead of sitting around and waiting for things to happen.

6. How can I incorporate these lessons into my life? 8 of Swords

I just need to stop with the indecisiveness and self-doubt. That kind of thinking will lead me nowhere.

7. What will be the most likely result at the end of this cycle? Queen of Pentacles

I identify with this queen the most of the four in Secret. I think it's allowing myself to be even more nurturing in my career (dance and makeup), and continue to develop my skills.

Viva Las Vegas!

I'll be heading to Las Vegas tomorrow to dance. I asked Secret and Mermaids if they wanted to come with me, and neither one wanted to go! They're such homebodies. They're so used to the comfort of my bed, they don't want to leave it. I wonder what I'll do with them when it comes to Burning Man. As much as I would love to have my intuitive companions with me, I'm so protective of them. I don't want anything to happen to them during that time, especially since BM is pure craziness.

I'll be back on Saturday!

February Assessment

February is over. That means spring's a-coming! Yay! I didn't do this at the end of January, but I think this would be great to do an assessment of each month based on the cycle of the year I did at the beginning of the year.

February's Card: Queen of Swords

I'd say that this was a rather accurate card for this month for many different reasons. My primary assessment of the card was that I was going to be emotionally withdrawn, and keeping myself guarded with my feelings and thoughts. That definitely happened. There was a situation that occurred that caused me to withdraw into myself and stopped me from being as open as I would like. On the other side of the coin, there's a guy who I'm very interested in is in my life (granted we met in January during a photo shoot). The Queen of Swords is the court card that represents Libra, his zodiac sign, so I'd say that's the good side to this card. I hope that there's something developing between us.

Portrait Spread

I found this lovely spread on Aeclectic Tarot, and I thought it would be great to do it. I love to compile spreads and out them in my journal. Some I'll actually do, others I'll observe and try to understand what Secret is telling me. The brackets indicate that the card is laid out horizontally.

           6

4                   5

          [1]
       
           2

          [3]

1. This is how I see the world. This is what I see. The Magician

I see potential. I see this budding energy that's just waiting to take the world by storm. I feel like there's a budding energy that's waiting to explode.

2. This is what I smell, this is where I'm following my nose to. Knave of Cups

I took this position as if I were a pointer or a bloodhound. What am I latching onto as a guide for me. Now, I love this knave. He is so sweet and gentle, and I smile every time I see him. He is my favorite of the four. That being said, he scares the shit out of me. Why? I don't want to be set up for disappointment. He comes with a message of potential love and romance. I'm not even speculating who at this point, but considering what I want now, I hope he's not playing games with me.

3. This is how I talk. This is how I communicate. 7 of Pentacles

At first I was wondering what Secret was trying to say about it, but it just hit me. When I first meet people, I tend to take a step back and assess where I am and how people approach each other before I put myself out there. I'm very shy and guarded in the beginning, but it really doesn't take a long time before I become a chatterbox.

4. This is what I hear others say about me. 9 of Wands

My first instinct seeing this card is about loneliness. I think people realize that as open as I am about a lot of things, I still keep so much of myself very private, and that they often don't see the "real" me (whoever she is).

5. This is what I hear myself say about myself. The Devil

This is very accurate. I'm constantly putting myself down. Once a negative thought comes into my head, it just keeps going and going. It starts with one thing then just keeps going. I can't watch myself in videos because the first thoughts are about my body, and then it just escalates into my abilities as a dancer and choreographer. I beat myself up a lot.

6. This is how I think; this is my perception of the world. Temperance

I try to look to the outside world to find balance. I'm looking to nature for its healing energy and power. I try to be open to new opportunities.

Valentine's Day Spread

To top the icing of the suckage cake, there's a video of the event and I'm not in it. Of everything that went on, I'm the only one not in the video. Yeah, ultimate fail.

Fortunately, I had a great reading from Kafka's Ghost. It's so amazing how despite the distance, she's very in tune with me. She has a great skill. She gave me some huge insights on what I think I need and the changes that are going on right now. Love ya, KG!

I decided to do a Valentine's Day spread found here. I decided to use Mermaids for this spread.

1. Past experience with love. Knight of Swords

Whenever someone has expressed interest in me, I would practically flee like this knight is doing. I'd say to myself, "Why is this person interested in me? I don't think I'm anything special." I was all about retreating into myself.

2. Current experience with love. The Hanged Man

A whole lot of nothing is happening right now. I'm just in a stagnant place. Nothing moving forward or back. It just...is. 

3. What you have to give in a love relationship. Knave of Swords

I guess I'm up for the challenge of being in a relationship.

4. What I want from a love relationship. 3 of Swords

How funny is it to get this card? What I want is honesty and truth. I want to know the truth, even if it means that I may get hurt.


5. What I need from a love relationship. The Empress

I think I need a relationship where I can fully be myself. A relationship where I can be nurturing to my partner, be sensual and feminine. I need to be that giver, but I also need to learn patience.

6. Future experiences with love. Queen of Swords

This card was interesting to see because I did another relationship spread and this queen came up in the "qualities I look for in a mate" position (using Secret). The Zodiac sign affiliated with her is Libra, who is also the sign of a certain new (now not so new, but you get the point) acquaintance. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it would be super awesome if it was him.

A Valentine's Day Daily 3

I'm not really putting up daily 3 nowadays because my life isn't all that interesting, but I have been putting it in my journal. I decided to put this one up because it was Valentine's Day, and it wound up sucking ass in the end (despite performing).

1. What I did well today? 4 of Cups

I am acknowledging the fact that everything is not as peachy keen and harmonious as I had thought it would be. I'm beginning to realize that I'm so caught up in my issues that I sometimes miss the good opportunities in front of me.

2. What I need to leave behind? 5 of Wands

Yeah. Very accurate, Secret. Basically I had a gig last night (What's better than sitting in front of the TV watching The Notebook while eating a carton of Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Working!), and a dude I hooked up with was there. I knew he was going to be there because he was helping out with the event. He has some serious douche tendencies, so needless to say I was mad at the fact that this fool has a chick on his arm while I'm single. This got a huge WTF?!!?? from me. How does this asshole have someone? I didn't get it, and I don't get it still. Needless to say I spent most of the evening pissed off: Pissed that he doesn't have the common decency to be civil (no slapping my back with a magazine does not mean hello, nor is drunk texting me at 8AM on a Sunday), pissed at seeing him with someone while I'm single, and mostly pissed at myself for letting him affect me that way to the point where it impacted my dance. I'm angry at myself for letting someone so insignificant hold so much power over me, and I know I need to let it go.

3. What I need to take with me into tomorrow? 9 of Swords

I need to not lose sleep over this douchenozzle. He's just simply not worth my time or effort, and I just need to let it go. I am that which I am. He is that which he is.

C for Creativity

This was another spread that I found on Aeclectic Tarot. It's such a simple spread, but I love it. I thought it was very accurate for me.

     1
2
     3

1. What is my art skill? Knave of Cups

I think this is a very accurate card to come out. Artistically, I'm a jack of all trades, master of none (except for dance and makeup), so my skill is in my imagination. I love visualizing, creating stories and images in my head. I'm such a day dreamer. It drives me crazy sometimes because I have difficulty making it real.

2. Where do I need to focus on developing my art skill? Queen of Pentacles

She's me, of course. I think it's actually taking the time to nurture my skills. I need to practice everyday. I'll get better the more I actually do it.

3. What will I gain from this art experience? The Sun

I will gain a sense of peace and harmony when I allow myself to enjoy the art experience. I think being an artist is something that I really am but wasn't allowed to develop because it's not becoming. It's great as a hobby, not as a profession or way of life.

Tarot Writing Prompt: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

When I found Cat 'N Owl's writing prompt Matchmaker, Matchmaker, I knew that I had to write this. In fact, the two cards came to me immediately without having to go through my deck. I don't claim to be a writer, so don't expect a literary masterpiece. I'll probably make grammatical errors in the process too. I have difficulty translating images I visualize into words.



In the darkness of night, she stands alone by a pond, a jug of water in her hands. Her heart breaks because of the loss she's faced. Did her love one die? Did he reject her love? No one knows. She will not reveal the source of her pain. Instead, she swears to herself to never give her love to anyone. She begins to pour the water into the pond, releasing her heart to the world. In her sadness, she doesn't see the star, her sliver of hope.

He is a weary traveler. He has come a long way, but he still has so far to go. His journey never seems to end, but he finds solace in his trusty companion. He doesn't know why he continues this journey, but he knows he must go. His only source of guidance is the lone star that illuminates his path. Exhausted from his journey, he stops at a pond to let his horse drink when he sees a woman pouring water into the pond.

She lifts her head and their eyes meet. There is something intriguing, but they both hesitate. His lips curl in an inviting smile, compelling her to react in kind. Somehow, there's a sense of ease between them, a familiarity. What's to come, they don't know, but they feel hopeful...

A song that really came to my head while writing this is "Sweet Potato" by Sia. Great song...

My PDR Progress

I was reading Bluedragonfly's entry about her PDR progress, and I thought it would be a good idea to see how Secret sees my progress.

1. How am I progressing with my PDR? 6 of Cups

I'm currently seeing this PDR as a form of escapism. I'm taking a bit of a child-like approach to it, developing a sense of comfort and familiarity with Secret.

2. Why do I need to do this PDR? 9 of Cups

I get comfort and satisfaction from doing this. It's my own little personal indulgence.

3. What problems am I facing with my PDR? 10 of Cups

I think I'm focusing too much on how the PDR should be instead of embracing it for what it is. I need to allow it to be my own personal journey.

4. What do I need to focus on developing in my PDR? Ace of Cups

I must establish a deeper connection with Secret. I must trust in my intuition, and embrace what he says.

5. What can I gain from this PDR? 2 of Cups

I can create a deeper connection and bond with Secret.

Wow... lots of Cups involved here. I think Secret has become attached to me too. I like it.

Musings on Secret

In a lot of reviews, I've seen a lot of references to how dark Secret is and that it's not recommended for reading others due to that. I really don't see the darkness in Secret. Yeah, the Knight of Cups and the Queen of Swords are very dark cards, but I see him as being a very honest deck, one that has a lot to say. Lots of deep truths that maybe I as a sentient being is not ready to handle.

I think sometimes I fail him in that he has so much to say to me, but I'm only capable of reading on a surface level right now. What I am grateful for is the fact that he is very comforting. It surprisingly didn't take too long for us to establish a relationship. He's giving me so much, and I'm not living up to my end of the bargain. He said that he was going to push me. I hope I can live up to it as I embark on my second month with him.

New Acquaintance Spread

We're in February! YAY! The sucky part is that now I really need to find a job before I'm truly screwed. In the mean time I found this spread on Aeclectic Tarot about New Acquaintances. I opted to try it out to see what will come of this new acquaintance. We have a very strong working relationship so far, and I'll be damned if I didn't have a crush on him. I decided to work with Mermaids on this one. She's good with relationship stuff.

1. Who is he/she? 8 of Pentacles

This is the workhorse card, and that describes him well. He's a very creative spirit, quite proficient in the arts. He's also someone who pays attention to detail. Very meticulous indeed.

2. What are his/her intentions? Temperance

This was a good card to see. He does bring this sense of balance that's not as black and white as Justice (he's a Libra). He was a guide during my photo shoot, giving me things to help me stay focused when I was starting to get tired. He's someone who I can turn to as I develop my skill and build my portfolio,

3. What can the acquaintanceship lead to? Knave of Chalices

Hmmm... How interesting. I feel like we're going to be collaborating a lot. At the same time, I feel like there's something underneath the surface of that water, but we're so very shy about making that move.

4. Good advice/what I need to be aware of. Queen of Pentacles

Clearly, this queen is me. I had a discussion with a friend over this, and he said that this meant that I should trust my gut and take the plunge in asking him for a least coffee to gauge where the chemistry is. I need to push past my mental doubts and just go for it. It's funny because of the four queens, I feel the strongest connection to her.

5. Probable outcome. 10 of Chalices

Clearly, Mermaids is saying that I should nudge it along and ask him out for coffee because something great will happen. I have this tendency to just sit back and let the doubt sink in and not trust my intuition. If I actually do something about this, then we'll have a nice bond. After all, we established a good rapport very early on, and since then it's gotten better.

Would love to know your thoughts!

"New Deck Interview" Spread

Here's an interview with Universal Fantasy! Long overdue, I know.

1. Tell me a little bit about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? The Hermit

You could say that I'm a bit of an old soul. I'm very introspective and thoughtful, and I try to look for deeper answers.

2. What are your strengths as a deck? 10 of Swords

I am a warrior, and I have a lot of pride. I will make sure that you understand the answers I give you.

3. What are your weaknesses as a deck? 5 of Swords

I may have a tendency to push too hard, and I think I'm a bit of a know-it-all.

4. What do you bring to the table? What are you here to teach me? 4 of Swords

I'm here to teach you how to interpret. Look beyond the LWB. Rely on your experiences.

5. How can I best learn and collaborate with you? The Moon

It's so easy to be lost in my imagery, but you must learn to look beyond it to see my message.

6. What is the outcome of our working relationship? King of Pentacles

I am all about discipline. I'm here to teach you how to be a better reader. It's not going to be easy road, but I'll be with you every step of the way.

The Secret Me

This spread is courtesy of the Tribal Bible. I'm constantly looking to see what secrets about me Secret can find. He's the right deck for that.

Here's the layout:
1-2/3-4

1. My secret desire. The Hermit

My secret desire is to discover who am I and the path that I am meant to lead in this lifetime. What am I expected to take with me as I grow as a person?

2. What motivates me. The High Priestess

I have a need to tap into my intuition that I feel that I have been neglecting. Allowing myself to be open to magic and mysticism.

3. What puts me down. Queen of Cups

My emotions may be blinding me from seeing, and embracing my power.

4. What I can accomplish. Judgement

I can liberate myself from the ordinary standard way of thinking to achieve a higher state of being. I can develop the new, spiritual me.

How interesting is it that there are 3 Majors in this spread? Apparently, Secret is all but screaming at me about who I am and what I'm capable of.

Daily Reading for 1/27

1. What I did well: Knave of Cups

The photo shoot went well albeit it was very weird. I was allowing myself to portray the message of sensuality that the photographer wanted.

2. What I must leave behind: 7 of Wands

I was losing my patience with the photographer because he was on that line of being a photographer with a great idea and being a GWC. I think I was seriously about to rip his head off.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: The Hierophant

Now the teacher must return. I had my day off, and it's back to class and people are looking to me and my director for guidance for the upcoming show.

I haven't really been updating with my daily 3. Life is starting to get in the way a bit. I did have quite a bit of time to play with Secret and Mermaids. I realize that I should also get to know Mermaids better. I feel like Mermaids has so much to tell me, and I have been neglecting her. Secret definitely doesn't have anything to worry about because they approach me in such different ways.

Too many cards, not enough time...

Elements of the Empress

As described in an earlier post, I had a conversation with Kafka's Ghost about finding spreads about my inner self, and what aspects of my self are coming forward. This is mostly due to the presence of the Empress (the first card I see when I open her Tarot of the Sephiroth, and it was one of the Present cards in the name spread). She is also my personality and soul card, and I feel her presence in full force now. She gave me the idea of a spread centered around her.

1     2     3

7     E     8

4     5     6

1, 2, 3 - Qualities of the conscious self
4, 5, 6 - Qualities of the unconscious self
7 - Past self
8 - Future self

1, 2, 3 - 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, 9 of Cups

At first I was very confused by the presence of the 5 of Pentacles because there was nothing symbolically that made sense. It took a little while for it to actually hit me that I needed to pay attention to the image itself because it's pretty true. I do spend a lot of my free time in front of the camera as an artistic model. There's something beautiful about it, and I feel like I reach a higher plane of being. 

The Knight of Swords also makes a lot of sense, as I am very communicative. I will definitely give an opinion though I'm not exactly known for having the most tact. I don't say inappropriate things, but I have a tendency to not think before I speak.

The 9 of Cups is my artist card. It's my creative force. It represents the pleasure I get when I pour my soul into my dance. I think this is when my bond with Her is the strongest. That is where She's channeling Herself into me, and I become Her vessel for expression.

4, 5, 6 - Queen of Pentacles, King of Wands, 6 of Cups

The Queen of Pentacles is a nurturing woman. Dependable. She is also very encouraging. She's the one to turn to when someone needs some very practical advice. This does make sense as I have found myself to be the person that people do turn to for advice. I think she is a positive queen for me, where the Queen of Swords represents the negative aspect of me.

The King of Wands appears a lot in different spreads. I can tell that he has quite the magnetic personality. I like looking at him when he appears. He draws me in. I think that's what I have when people get to know me. I seem to draw people in. Sometimes men tell me that they're extremely attracted to me despite the fact that I don't do anything to warrant it. I think I have a big personality, and like him, I usually stop at nothing to get my way.

Seeing the 6 of Cups was quite interesting to me. I think it's because I have this tendency to replay good events in my head. It's something that I love to do, and I love the fact that it distracts me from the present.

7 - The Hermit

Hmmm... I would say seeing the Hermit is pretty valid. I was constantly searching for who I was. I still am, but I was definitely lost. I never felt comfortable in the 9-5 world. I was constantly changing my appearance. Despite having friends, I was often very solitary. I would retreat into myself.

8 - 8 of Swords

Gah! This damned 8 of Swords! I am so sick of seeing this card, although it reflects how I'm feeling. There is this internal conflict of wanting to come into my own as a woman, but other forces want to keep me in a box. I think the difference is that I'm not having it. My struggle is how to move forward to come into my inner Empress.

Thoughts are always welcome.

Daily Reading for 1/24

1. What I did well: 2 of Swords

Um... I wasn't really sure what this meant for today. I guess I could classify the swords as my thoughts and my emotions in that I'm trying to balance the two. However, as a Gemini (overly simplistic view, I know), my emotions are a foreign concept. Revealing my emotions is a sign of weakness.

2. What I must leave behind: 10 of Cups

When I'm with my mom, I always feel like everything is okay. There's seriously nothing out there like a mother's love. I'm very private about my personal life, and she doesn't ask questions, but she still gives me that comforting energy. Unfortunately, I can't be with her all the time. I have to leave that for today.

3. What I must take forward into tomorrow: 8 of Swords

Tomorrow is going to be a very conflicting day for me because I don't know how to approach my friend about the concerns I have. I want to be able to be open and honest with how I feel, but I've spent my life keeping everything private.

I did some additional readings about this conflict, and the 8 of Swords popped up every time. This conflict is really eating at me, and I do feel very stuck about what to do. I think tomorrow is going to be the big do or die time.

Daily Reading for 1/23

1. What I did well today: The High Priestess

I didn't let my internal struggles affect the way I taught class even though teaching was the last thing I wanted to do. I had to keep a good face on and not let my negative energy affect the class and my students.

2. What I must leave behind: Knave of Cups

I must let go of any lingering resentment that I'm feeling. It's time to move forward and be positive.

3. What I must take forward into tomorrow: 3 of Wands

Tomorrow is a new day. Just embrace whatever opportunities that come my way.

I tried the name spread that was on AE. It was a lovely 20-card spread, that I just wrote out in one sentence. It's a neat spread, but it told me what I already knew about myself. I've been looking for spreads that dug deeper. I had a conversation with Kafka's Ghost about it, she suggested choosing the card that I identified strongly with and then have cards around it. It was quite useful. I'll put up the readings later today.

Daily Reading for 1/22

1. What I did well today: 9 of Cups

I think this card is my dance/artist card. It shows up whenever there's some sort of dance or artistic element involved. Today was no exception since I had rehearsal with my troupe after not dancing together in three months, and I had a collaboration with a photographer. My dance is my release, and it feels good to do it.

2. What I must leave behind: 9 of Wands

Cafe Astrology says that when you hurt someone with a Venus in Cancer, they begin to retreat into their "shell". That's me right now. I'm in retreat mode after a discussion with a friend of mine, and I want to discuss how I'm feeling with her. I feel like it's the only way to really leave it behind, but at the same time while I'll wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll keep my true emotions private. Right now, there's the shame of being chastised, the confusion and uncertainty of wanting to say something but not wanting to rock the boat, the question of how to move forward without needing to walk on eggshells. The easy answer is "Say something, silly girl!" Even my cards (Secret, Mermaids, and UF said it) suggest that I do it, but it's tough. I've learned to keep it inside and put on a happy face. Now, I'm getting into venting mode.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: Ace of Swords

This is all about having a plan. I know I'm going to need one for class. Maybe this is even about how to approach my friend. I dunno...

Spirit Guide #3

Now let's say hello to spirit guide #3! She's (confirmed through Paul's Spirit Guide spread) very similar to spirit guide #2 in that she'd smack me if necessary. They're definitely partners in crime.

1. Tell me a little bit about your personality. The Magician

I want to take the world by storm! I have lots of great plans and ideas for you. I'm a spark, of sorts.

2. Why are you with me? 10 of Swords

I want you to be who you really are, not what everyone expects you to be. I'm here to help you free yourself from toxic environments.

3. When is your presence strongest? Knave of Swords

I'm with you when you need a plan, a way to get out of a difficult situation. Or when you need to do something different.

4. Was there a specific moment where your presences was strongest? Ace of Swords

I was with you when you decided that you were not meant to work a normal 9-5, but rather you wanted to pursue what you really wanted.

5. Is there anything you'd like me to know? The Hanged Man

You've got to take initiative for yourself. You can't wait around for things to come to you. You have to make it happen.

Daily Reading for 1/20

1. What I did well: The Star

I remained optimistic about my prospects, so there's a pretty good chance that my situation will improve.

2. What I must leave behind: The Hermit

When approached with an opportunity, I must act promptly. I shouldn't take the time to dwell and be very introspective about it, because by the time I actually make a decision, it will be gone.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: 3 of Wands

There are new opportunities coming my way... Hopefully more good part time job opportunities.

I'll have more spirit guides up tonight!

Daily Reading for 1/19

1. What I did well: 10 of Wands

I didn't let the stress of the situation get to me. I basically had to handle my business as usual. I needed to do what I needed to do.

2. What I must leave behind: High Priestess

I was being very introverted when I didn't have to be. I know the people I was with, so there was no need for me to feel shy and awkward around them.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: Ace of Swords

I have to allow myself to develop more ideas to support myself. Have a plan of attack so that I can move forward with my life.

Daily 3-Card Reading for 1/18

1. What I did well today: 6 of Cups

This was a great card to see. I needed to feel good about something today because I have been so stressed out about a lot of things. I would say, this is the one of the few times the LWB is correct in what I did well. When I'm at the studio dancing, it's the moment that I can escape from the reality of my situation. It's my play time, and I made the most of that.

2. What I must leave behind: 3 of Swords

Once again, the LWB relates to the card! I must leave behind the uncertainty I feel about the future, about whether or not I'll be able to find something that will give me enough flexibility to continue developing my makeup career and my dance.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: The Star

I must have faith that I will be able to find what I'm looking for. I must stay positive.

Secret definitely picked up on my stress, and I appreciate its calm reassurance. I should take it's advice and stay positive because it's not the kind of deck that would sugar-coat things.

Goddess Spread

I found this spread on Aeclectic Forum, and I thought it would be cool to do a reading on it. I would love to start building an altar to Her, but that's going to have to wait. Here is the layout of the spread.

1   2   3
     4
     5

1. You. Where you find Goddess. Your opinion towards Her. Your experience with Her so far. 6 of Cups

I look at Her with fondness and joy. I feel like I am closest with her when I think of happy memories, or when I need a gentle nudge.

2. Relation. How you have interacted with Her and what you have shared in acts and prayer. The Empress

I feel like she is with me during meditation. She's also with me when I feel that inspiration to create choreography and dance. My dance is my offering to her.

3. Goddess. Goddess aspects you have witnessed and what She has granted. Queen of Cups

She has given me sensuality, the ability to love and the ability to be open to receive love. She allows me to open my intuition, and She allows me to be a vessel to create Her message.

4. Method. Future advice on how to heighten relationship with Goddess. 8 of Wands

I must not be afraid to actually contact Her directly. She is open to listening.

5. Tangible. Advice on physical worship and how to adorn Her. The Tower

I was stumped when I saw this. I think this also relates to Card 4 in that I have to actually contact Her. Let Her be a part of me. Invoking the spirit.

Daily 3-Card Reading for 1/16

Unfortunately, there's no reading for Friday. I was out all night. :-)

1. What I did well today: Wheel of Fortune

Despite my current worries, I have allowed myself to remain positive that things will turn out okay. I succumb to the will of the universe.

2. What I must leave behind: 5 of Wands

I must leave behind the fact that I got home at 5AM after an amazing night of dancing and killer dubstep music. I'm shocked that I'm still functioning.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: 9 of Cups

I still need to take in my indulgences. I had some really yummy brownies, and I'm such a sucker for sweets.

Here's the suit tally for this week:
Major - 6
Wands - 4
Cups - 4
Swords - 2
Pentacles - 1

What's really interesting is that the Wheel of Fortune has appeared three times this week, twice in position 1 and the other time in position 3. I think it has to do with just the way I'm approaching the situation I'm currently dealing with. Why be negative and bitter about it? The presence of Wands and Cups make sense since classes started up again. I love being around my students when I teach. I get so much fulfillment from them, and I get inspired to choreograph.

Spirit Guide # 2

Now we'll meet Spirit Guide # 2. On to the interview!

Tell me a little bit about your personality. 8 of Wands

I like to smack you in the face with messages. There are only so many subtle hints that I can give you.

Why are you with me? Queen of Swords

There are times when you think so much that nothing gets done. You doubt yourself too much.

When is your presence strongest? 2 of Wands

I'm with you when you need to make a decision about your wants. I steer you in the right direction.

Was there a specific event where your presence was strongest? Queen of Cups

I was with you the night you decided that you were with "The Emperor".

Is there anything that you would like me to know? The Sun

Enjoy life. Allow yourself to take in each day, just live and love. Stay positive.

Who I Am and Where I Am Going

This was inspired by dannymac.85's reading on this spread. I decided to try it out to see what Secret has to say. I'm discovering that Secret loves spreads having to do with destiny and the discovery of the inner self.

This is the layout of the spread:

3    -     4
     1/2
5  -  6  -  7

1. This is who I am now:  The Hanged Man

I'm still searching for myself. I feel like I'm on the brink of discovery, but there's a block that's preventing me from seeing my true potential.

2. This is what I don't know: Knight of Cups

I'm ruled by my emotions more often than I realize. I also have a tendency to get attached to others quickly once I let them in.

3. This is what I need to relinquish: Queen of Swords

I have a tendency to over-analyze things to the point where I almost drive myself crazy. I need to let go of being trapped inside my head. Sometimes it's better to just take things for what they are.

4. This is what I need to develop: The Devil

I must allow myself to enjoy life and the pleasures that life has to offer. I should allow myself some indulgences from time to time.

5. What I'd love to become: The Chariot

I'd love to be successful on my own terms. I prefer taking the reins and deciding my own direction in life.

6. My current quest: 9 of Swords


While I love to decide my direction, I'm having difficulty with it. It's stressing me out because I don't know how I'm going to actually pull this off with the limited resources I have right now.


7. Where it will lead: The Hierophant

What's interesting was that I played around with this spread using Mermaids and this card came out in the same position. I like to think of myself as someone who loves comforting others in times of stress. I'm usually the person to tell people to calm down. Will I be able to bring harmony to others? Is that what I'm meant to do as a teacher? Maybe.

Daily 3-Card Reading for 1/14

1. What I did well today: Page of Cups

I was able to express why I have no intention on meeting up with the guy I had the date with, and it allowed me to say what I am looking for in a relationship. It actually felt good to be open about what I'm looking for in a future partner.

2. What I must leave behind: King of Wands

I must leave behind any sort authoritative attitudes. Today is a day of fun and relaxation. The teacher can hibernate for a day.

3. What I must take forward into tomorrow: 9 of Swords

Yup. This is a big one. I think I'm going to need a part-time job. Between Burning Man, my costume, my website, an overnight stay in Vegas, I need to come up with a way to pay for all of that.  This is the slow time for MUAs and teaching just started up, so I need to be diligent.

Daily 3-Card Reading for 1/13

I'm finding that I do the reading at night then post it the next day. It works for me.

1. What I did well: 4 of Swords

I allowed myself to have a considerable amount of rest considering that I haven't been feeling well for the past few days.

2. What I must leave behind: The Hanged Man

I must leave behind the fact that I sacrificed my time for a date that really didn't go that well. I would've loved to have left earlier, but I didn't. Oh well. Nice enough fellow, but there was nothing there.

3. What I need to take with me into tomorrow: Ace of Cups

This was rather interesting to me because I did this reading twice (the first time was like reading a foreign language) and this card came up both times. I think it's a realization that I had after the date. I'm gradually coming into my own as a woman, feeling how a woman should feel, wanting what a woman wants. The problem I had with the date is that there was an immaturity in his spirit. He's in that space of being between a boy and a man. He'll make someone happy. That someone isn't me.

Spirit Guide #1

I'm so excited to have all six interviews completed. I asked the remaining two guides if they wanted to talk, but it took them a little while for them to want to talk to me. It wasn't until after I did my photo shoot that the two wanted to talk. Now we'll meet Guide 1.
Spirit Guide # 1

Tell me about your temperament/personality. 2 of Pentacles

I like giving you options. I'm the one who says, "Are you suuure you want to do that? You really want to do this." I allow the opening of opportunities.

Why are you with me? Strength

I am your protector. I make sure that you're safe, and you make the smart choices.

When is your presence strongest? The Emperor

I am with you when you need to focus on the task at hand. I make sure that you're not distracted.

Please tell me a moment where your influence and/or presence was particularly strong. King of Pentacles

I was with you during your Day of Dance. In fact, I gave you the idea that you should stay the entire time.

What would you like me to know at this moment? 7 of Pentacles

Enjoy the hard work that you put in today. I'm proud of you.     

Daily 3-Card Reading

Here's my reading from last night. What was funny was that while I was shuffling, the 9 of Pentacles came out twice. It was definitely a great card to see as I received the raw photos from the photo shoot. It was a very successful shoot, and it was a great learning experience for me.

1. What I did well today: Knave of Wands

I approached all of my classes with confidence since it was the first class of the new session. I gave my students a sense of confidence about the upcoming showcase.

2. What I must leave behind: The Emperor

Tomorrow is my day to relax. There's no need for me to be the instructor and provide material. I just need to go with the flow.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: The Magician

I must allow myself to be energetic with the guy I'm going to be going out with. I must allow my presence to stand out.

I finally got in touch with the last two spirit guides!

Spirit Guides

I tried to see if my remaining two spirit guides wanted to talk today, but they don't want to. Maybe it's because there's something I need to learn in order for them to communicate with me. I'll just go right along with the interviews of the four I did. This isn't in order of who first communicated because there are four distinct personalities. I think it's fitting to start with the one who has the most impact on my life right now: Spirit Guide # 4.

1. What is your personality/temperament? 10 of Swords
  
I was inhibited and shy, but now I'm allowing myself to blossom and enjoy freedom with you.

2. Why are you with me? King of Wands

I see so much passion and vitality in you. I want to bring that out of you.

3. When is your presence strongest? 10 of Wands

I am with you when you are strong and in control. I'm also with you when you are doing what you love.

4. Is there an event where you were a strong influence? The Chariot

I was with you the day before Halloween, the night where your feminine energy was especially strong and there were men who wanted to be with you.

5. Is there anything you want me to know? The Empress

Your feminine energy is growing everyday. Embrace it. Be the woman you thought you weren't going to be.      

Daily 3-Card Reading

Today was a great day. I think Secret's proud of me too. I am loving this spread.

1. What did I do well today? 10 of Wands

I didn't allow my doubts and fears get the better of me. I went into the photo shoot as cool as the woman in the card, full of calm and confidence, and the results showed. There are lots of great images as a start for my portfolio.

2. What do I need to leave behind? The Moon

I need to leave behind the negative thoughts of disaster that I had. Before the shoot began, I thought about anything that could've gone wrong. I was thinking so much about the shoot the night before that I didn't get much sleep. Now it's behind me.

3. What should I take forward into tomorrow? Wheel of Fortune

I need to ride the wave positive energy. I should be proud of my accomplishment, and take that energy to further my makeup artistry. Good things are in store.

New Deck Interview

Here's my interview with Mermaids. UF will probably come around later on in the week.

Welcome to your new home Mermaids, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself? Ace of Swords

Thank you for having me here *grins*. Despite my appearances, I'm very strong. I'm here to give you a new perspective on Tarot, and help you build your intuition. I'd like to help you think about what you see and how you interpret me.

What are your strengths as a deck? 10 of Cups 

I am so filled with love, and I want to give you peace of mind. I like to think that I'm a very harmonious deck.

What are your weaknesses as a deck? The Sun 

I may be too harmonious. I don't want to upset you, so I tend to soften the blow for any negative news.

What do you bring to the table? What are you here to teach me? 10 of Pentacles  

I'm here to teach you fulfillment, to teach you how to be one with yourself. We have so much in common that I want to see you meet you full potential.

How can I best collaborate with you? Knight of Cups

I am your emotional deck. I want you to tap into you feelings when you read with me.

What is the outcome of our working relationship? Knave of Swords

I have so many things that I want to say, be open to my messages. I feel like I know you already, so keep working with me. 

Daily 3-Card Reading and Spirit Guides

I decided to try the spread that Kafka's Ghost linked in her blog, and it works like a charm. I think this will help me get a better understanding of my cards. Today's Mind-Body-Spirit reading was rather confusing to me that I'm not going to bother putting it up.

1. What I did well today: 7 of Pentacles

It's rather fitting that I got this card since I danced for 7 hours as a part of my teacher's Day of Dance workshop. I also felt very accomplished with myself for having the strength and the sheer ability to dance for that long and that intensely.

2. What I should leave behind: Justice

I shouldn't dwell on the fact that I skipped a makeup workshop to stay at the dance workshop. Ultimately, it was the right decision.

3. What I need to take forward into tomorrow: The Lovers

I need to own my choices. I shouldn't worry about second-guessing myself. If I make a decision, I should stick with it. It will be worth it in the end.

In other news, I felt like the Spirit Guide readings were off, so I tried it again. Turns out I have 6 spirit guides, not 9. I first got the 6 of Pentacles, but it was confirmed with The Lovers. Four were willing to speak to me, one is a very strong presence who I knew from the first reading. I'll post individual readings soon.

Secret Musings

Oh, Secret is just so adorable. I love it. So, I have two new decks: Tarot of Mermaids and Universal Fantasy. I'll have the New Deck Interview for Mermaids, most likely by tomorrow and UF by Monday night or Tuesday. I tried to do a reading with Secret, but it was giving me garbage, so I asked it if it was mad at me using the Yes/No/Maybe spread. It was very mad. I wanted to know why it was mad. Here are the results I got: 6 of Cups, The Lovers, The Hermit.

I totally appreciate its honesty. It was worried that I was going to choose the other decks over it, and leave it all alone. Well, Secret has nothing to fear. There's something really special developing between us. It's here with me for the long haul. I'd love to play with my other decks, but Secret is for the serious powers.

I'm currently thinking about how I should go about my daily reading. Sometimes the Mind-Body-Spirit spread works, and sometimes I can't read it. I also think that might be a spread that's better served for the evening than in the morning. Would it make sense to do two 3-card spreads? One for the day and another for the evening? I need to find a spread that really works with Spirit.

Daily 3-Card Reading

Body - The Sun
Mind - 5 of Cups
Spirit - 5 of Pentacles reversed

The cards basically summed up how I felt this morning. My body still felt energized and active, and I took advantage of that by doing some pole dancing then I'll be dancing the night away. My mind has experienced a harsh dose of reality and is filled with a lot of regret. At the same time, my mind still wants to hold onto hope that it isn't true. The 5 of Cups is looking at The Sun longing for that peace of mind and harmonious balance. Relating to the 5 of Cups, my spirit is letting go of the illusion. It wonders, am I the photographer who is completely out of the model's league? In another setting, would he have given me a second glance?

Daily 3-Card Reading

Body - 4 of Swords rev.
Mind - 9 of Cups rev.
Spirit - The Sun

Let me just say right now, the woman in the 4 of Swords is really creepy. I think it's just the way she just stares at me while she's sitting on the tomb. She gets under my skin.

My body is getting sick with a cold *cough cough* and it craves rest, but there's no time to rest. Gotta dance, dance,  DANCE! And that woman is chastising me for that. I need to dance, but my mind is just not in the mood to choreograph for my students. However, my spirit is filled with excitement to see my students and teach.

In other news, I have two more decks! Tarot of Mermaids and Universal Fantasy. New deck interviews to come.

Daily 3-Card Reading

Body - Ace of Cups
Mind - 10 of Wands reversed
Spirit - Queen of Pentacles

My body had this burst of feminine energy. It just wanted to feel sexy considering that it spends so much time huddled up in layers of clothing. I also downloaded some songs that I would love to choreograph to because it taps into my sensual side. It's a spark that happened. My mind was just ready let go of all of the burdens that have consumed me in the past few days (my first shoot as a makeup artist, finances, having material for my classes) and embrace what's to come. My spirit was ready to exercise and get moving. What better way to embrace the Ace of Cups aspect than to take pole dancing class again. It was great to feel sexy and still feel like I had gotten my butt whooped.

I managed to communicate to 5 spirits. Four more to go...

Daily 3-Card Reading

Body - Knight of Cups reversed
Mind - Knight of Pentacles reversed
Spirit - 2 of Swords reversed

My body has been jolted from it's usual habit of getting up late to actually being up relatively early. Because of that my mind is still struggling on how to be productive and make the best use of my day. There really wasn't much going on with my spirit today, so I'd say that it's been pretty mellow overall.

I did Cat 'N Owl's Pick Your Tarot Focus for 2010 this morning, and I had an interesting result. I initially pulled The Hierophant, but it just didn't feel right. My spirit guide told me to pick the card, directly to the left of it. What do I get? None other than the Mother herself, The Empress. This is big because we're in the year of the Empress, and it is my personality and soul card. Meditation thoughts to come...

Cycle of the Year

As promised, here's my cycle of the year reading. This one, I got from a book on spreads that I purchased from Kafkas Ghost, but I'm sure it's available on Aeclectic Tarot.

January - The Moon reversed
I actually loved seeing this card come first mostly because the woman appears to be running away from 2009, and heading straight for February. It was quite amusing. I saw this as the veil of illusion being lifted. Reality is setting in, and it's time to move on. This largely has to do with my feelings towards "The Emperor", and that it's time to let go of the illusion of him.

February - The Queen of Swords
She is the reason why I bought this deck. She seems sad, but I take it for emotional distance. She's withdrawn into herself. She's lost in thought. She's keeping herself protected. I see her as myself in that I have a tendency to protect myself whenever I get smacked down into reality. I have difficulty trusting others and allowing myself to be open to that.

March - 10 of Pentacles
I feel like this is a sense of stability. I highly doubt it's financial stability. Maybe his has to do with my developing makeup career. My planning has come to fruition, and I have something to show for it. Not entirely sure.

April - 6 of Pentacles
Tax time! Please let me get some financial assistance. This is going to be a collaboration. After much thought, the biggest event planned is that I'll be working with my web designer, and I'll finally have my site up.

May - Knight of Wands
He's probably the least harmless knight of the four of them. He's a cutie pie. I think he represents the entrepreneurship aspect of my life. My ability to go forward with my dance and my makeup career. This is my venture out into the world as my own boss.

June - Two of Wands
Decisions. Decisions. This will be a time where I need to decide on where my energy should go to. Could it be about my career, relating to the Lovers card in the previous year-ahead spread?

July - The Magician reversed
I can see this about pulling all of my energy inward in preparation for Burning Man. Focusing on myself, making sure that I have prepared myself for it.

August - Two of Cups reversed
Could this be the time where "The Emperor" and I see each other again? I was playing around with this spread a few days ago and this card came up in the same position. I think whoever he is, he's going to be the one pursuing me, with the way the woman in the card seems to have him at a distance.

September - 6 of Cups 
Looking back at a great experience. I'm thinking of the fun times that go on during that week. I'm going to make Burning Man happen!

October - 6 of Wands
I see this as my needing to turn the blinders on and get back to business. It's the march to victory. Of course, this is the time for one of the biggest belly dance festivals, so I'll be in rehearsals a lot.

November - Knave of Swords reversed

There is bad news coming. With the way the knave is looking at December's card, it leads me to think that it has something to do with...

December - 3 of Pentacles reversed
The place where I teach dance. The thing that just really came to mind was that it was going to close down because of lack of funding to survive.

Once again, thoughts are always welcome.
 

Daily 3-Card Reading

I knew the day wasn't going to be a productive day when I didn't hear my alarm go off, and Secret agreed with me.

Body -  2 of Swords reversed
Mind - The Sun reversed
Spirit - King of Wands reversed

My body is still experiencing conflict of wanting to be active and wanting to be in hibernation mode. I had full intentions on getting up early to do stuff, but that didn't happen. Because of this conflict, I was quite confused as to how to go about the rest of my day (me + confusion = nothing's happening). My spirit is warning of going back to old habits so quickly when there's an opportunity to start fresh.

I'll have my month-by-month spread soon.

Daily Spread

As a part of my PDR, I'm going to do a Body-Mind-Spirit spread in the morning, then do an overall thought on the cards. I attempted a one-card draw, but it just didn't work for me.

Body - 9 of Swords
Mind - King of Pentacles reversed
Spirit - Knight of Wands

It wasn't difficult for me to figure out what this was about. I had expressed the possibility of going to a dance party tonight. My body was saying, "Rest, silly girl!", but I had all of this pent up energy that I still needed to let out. It was actually driving me a little crazy. My mind was agreeing with my body (that king looked mad at me). My mind said that it was foolish to extend myself even further even after what I've done. My spirit is the sole voice if dissent. It's saying, "Go! Dance! Let out that energy!"

2-1 No dancing. Must rest. Plus it feels like 5 degrees outside.

The Year Ahead Spread

I was checking Aeclectic Tarot, and I came across this spread: The Year Ahead Spread. It looked really interesting, so I decided to try it out. I'll provide the reading in a bit, but I do have some preliminary thoughts.

I like that it's not by month. I love the different themes involved as there are a lot of factors to consider without being constricted by month (watch me do a month-to-month spread in the next few days). It leaves for a lot of flexibility.

That being said, I don't think Secret likes this spread much. One of the things that makes him amazing is how the cards interact with each other to give me the message. The cards were too far apart to talk to each other, which made the energy seem stagnant. When Legacy gets out of her little hissy fit stage, I'll use it on her to see if there's a difference. Has anyone found that certain decks don't like certain spreads?

On to the reading! No reversals.

Position One: Where my path leads me. 10 of Wands
My guide is in love with this card. I feel like in this instance, I'm done with the status quo. I'm ready to have a new life. The skull represents someone who played by the rules, and that was what they have to show for it.

Position Two: The direction of my heart. 3 of Cups
Lots of new bonds forming. Developing a sense of community. I love my dance students, and I'm looking forward to seeing them soon. Plus, there's the opportunity of bonding with the NYC burners.

Position Three: Where my spirit guides me. 3 of Wands
New opportunities await. There is so much to learn and experience. Be open and receptive to what is coming.

Position Four: What gifts my muse ignites within me. The Fool
It's a new beginning in your dance. When the inspiration hits, go for it. See where it will take you.

Position Five: That which the mist shrouds. The Sun
This one was a hard one for me. This is what I wrote down: Despite my frustrations and sense of disconnect with the world, I will be able to find the peace and happiness that eludes me. I'd love to get some feedback on that one.

Position Six: The blindfold removed. The Magician
Apparently, something big is going to happen. A revelation? A solution to my problems? I couldn't figure this out.

Position Seven: The Shadow which pass over my Sun. Judgement
I will need to change my way of living. That means saving, significant financial planning.

Position Eight: The Well of Prosperity. The Lovers
As Secret has the tendency to do, this left me scratching my head a little bit before I got the "OH!" moment. I'm going to have to make the choice between having a stable 9-5 job or continue on with the freelance life.

Position Nine: The Font of Vitality. 5 of Cups
I'll have the experience of what-if. There will be some regret and longing.

Position Ten: The Harvest. Knave of Wands
I love this knave. He's too cute for words. It looks like the gem of the year has something to do with travel. Burning Man, perhaps?

It's not shocking that there are no Pentacles in this spread. I am shocked by the 5 Majors though. I knew this year was going to be big, but I didn't think it would be this big. I love hearing thoughts and maybe some perspectives that I haven't thought about.