New Moon Reading

We are now in the New Moon while it's void of coursing. Bye Pisces, my lunar sign. Hello, Aries!

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1. What lays on your dark depths. What is unseen. What we stumble against in the dark nights. 6 of Swords

I think this has to do with a personal transformation that relates to my shadow card. I am not a Knight of Wands by any stretch of the imagination, but if I do this one thing that the Knight of Wands would do, it could be the spark of something new.

2. What will begin to show, to arise. 9 of Cups

Hmmm... This is my artist card. It hasn't come up in a while, but when it does I'm usually feeling fabulous, sensual, and sexy (I haven't been feeling like either of these, nor have I been artistically focused). Maybe this will be the time to be a little self-indulgent and get some pretty little things for myself.

3. What will illuminate the dark path. The key in the night. 2 of Cups

Secret is being all smart-assey with me right now. He knows that's the kind of card (the Knave of Cups applies to this as well) that scares the hell out of me because I do not want to get my hopes up about the photographer.

0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. Knight of Wands

I don't really identify with this knight all that much. I think this is Secret's way of saying that I should begin to embrace the daring and somewhat reckless side of myself. It makes sense that Secret would say that because as much as I would love to do certain things, especially when it comes to the opposite sex, I hesitate and think of a million reasons under the sun not to do it.

Err... I guess Secret recommends that I ask this boy out already.

My PDR Progress

I was reading Bluedragonfly's entry about her PDR progress, and I thought it would be a good idea to see how Secret sees my progress.

1. How am I progressing with my PDR? 6 of Cups

I'm currently seeing this PDR as a form of escapism. I'm taking a bit of a child-like approach to it, developing a sense of comfort and familiarity with Secret.

2. Why do I need to do this PDR? 9 of Cups

I get comfort and satisfaction from doing this. It's my own little personal indulgence.

3. What problems am I facing with my PDR? 10 of Cups

I think I'm focusing too much on how the PDR should be instead of embracing it for what it is. I need to allow it to be my own personal journey.

4. What do I need to focus on developing in my PDR? Ace of Cups

I must establish a deeper connection with Secret. I must trust in my intuition, and embrace what he says.

5. What can I gain from this PDR? 2 of Cups

I can create a deeper connection and bond with Secret.

Wow... lots of Cups involved here. I think Secret has become attached to me too. I like it.

Elements of the Empress

As described in an earlier post, I had a conversation with Kafka's Ghost about finding spreads about my inner self, and what aspects of my self are coming forward. This is mostly due to the presence of the Empress (the first card I see when I open her Tarot of the Sephiroth, and it was one of the Present cards in the name spread). She is also my personality and soul card, and I feel her presence in full force now. She gave me the idea of a spread centered around her.

1     2     3

7     E     8

4     5     6

1, 2, 3 - Qualities of the conscious self
4, 5, 6 - Qualities of the unconscious self
7 - Past self
8 - Future self

1, 2, 3 - 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, 9 of Cups

At first I was very confused by the presence of the 5 of Pentacles because there was nothing symbolically that made sense. It took a little while for it to actually hit me that I needed to pay attention to the image itself because it's pretty true. I do spend a lot of my free time in front of the camera as an artistic model. There's something beautiful about it, and I feel like I reach a higher plane of being. 

The Knight of Swords also makes a lot of sense, as I am very communicative. I will definitely give an opinion though I'm not exactly known for having the most tact. I don't say inappropriate things, but I have a tendency to not think before I speak.

The 9 of Cups is my artist card. It's my creative force. It represents the pleasure I get when I pour my soul into my dance. I think this is when my bond with Her is the strongest. That is where She's channeling Herself into me, and I become Her vessel for expression.

4, 5, 6 - Queen of Pentacles, King of Wands, 6 of Cups

The Queen of Pentacles is a nurturing woman. Dependable. She is also very encouraging. She's the one to turn to when someone needs some very practical advice. This does make sense as I have found myself to be the person that people do turn to for advice. I think she is a positive queen for me, where the Queen of Swords represents the negative aspect of me.

The King of Wands appears a lot in different spreads. I can tell that he has quite the magnetic personality. I like looking at him when he appears. He draws me in. I think that's what I have when people get to know me. I seem to draw people in. Sometimes men tell me that they're extremely attracted to me despite the fact that I don't do anything to warrant it. I think I have a big personality, and like him, I usually stop at nothing to get my way.

Seeing the 6 of Cups was quite interesting to me. I think it's because I have this tendency to replay good events in my head. It's something that I love to do, and I love the fact that it distracts me from the present.

7 - The Hermit

Hmmm... I would say seeing the Hermit is pretty valid. I was constantly searching for who I was. I still am, but I was definitely lost. I never felt comfortable in the 9-5 world. I was constantly changing my appearance. Despite having friends, I was often very solitary. I would retreat into myself.

8 - 8 of Swords

Gah! This damned 8 of Swords! I am so sick of seeing this card, although it reflects how I'm feeling. There is this internal conflict of wanting to come into my own as a woman, but other forces want to keep me in a box. I think the difference is that I'm not having it. My struggle is how to move forward to come into my inner Empress.

Thoughts are always welcome.

Daily Reading for 1/22

1. What I did well today: 9 of Cups

I think this card is my dance/artist card. It shows up whenever there's some sort of dance or artistic element involved. Today was no exception since I had rehearsal with my troupe after not dancing together in three months, and I had a collaboration with a photographer. My dance is my release, and it feels good to do it.

2. What I must leave behind: 9 of Wands

Cafe Astrology says that when you hurt someone with a Venus in Cancer, they begin to retreat into their "shell". That's me right now. I'm in retreat mode after a discussion with a friend of mine, and I want to discuss how I'm feeling with her. I feel like it's the only way to really leave it behind, but at the same time while I'll wear my heart on my sleeve, I'll keep my true emotions private. Right now, there's the shame of being chastised, the confusion and uncertainty of wanting to say something but not wanting to rock the boat, the question of how to move forward without needing to walk on eggshells. The easy answer is "Say something, silly girl!" Even my cards (Secret, Mermaids, and UF said it) suggest that I do it, but it's tough. I've learned to keep it inside and put on a happy face. Now, I'm getting into venting mode.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: Ace of Swords

This is all about having a plan. I know I'm going to need one for class. Maybe this is even about how to approach my friend. I dunno...