The Passion Spread

I did this spread about a week ago, but things have been super crazy with photo shoots. I'm back to stressing out again (work and money stuff), so what better way to try to calm down than to do a blog about my passion.

4

3
2
1

1. What excites me at my very roots? The World
Well, this card showed up a lot last week. It's also very self-explanatory. It's freedom. It's having the ability to do what I want to do. It's the fact that I don't have a 9-5, and I work for myself. I love having the ability to be an artist, and to embrace that. I can schedule shoots for the middle of the week (though, I need to start charging once I get images back unless I'm working with an agency model) and then teach class after. I'm just not office material.

2. What supports my passion? 6 of Swords
This was a journey that I was meant to take. Losing my job, dancing a lot more, discovering my art in makeup. It's all a personal transformation for me.

3. How do I keep my passion burning hotly? 3 of Swords
Well, I just need to keep going on with my life. If I wasn't the way I am, I would be like the corpses in the snow. Not literally dead, but I think I'd be far worse than where I am. I have this huge obstacle in my way that I can't control, but I know that I just need to keep going. Eventually, the snow will stop. The sun will shine, and everything will be right in the world.

4. How do I keep it from blazing out of control? Queen of Pentacles
My queen! She's appearing everywhere. I relate to her so much, but I think Secret wants me to tap into her essence a lot more. With her, it's all about taking care to develop my passion. Don't just rush into things. Plan things carefully.

When I add up the numbers, what do I get? dun Dun DUN! The Empress. Definitely not a coincidence. I guess 2010 is shaping up to be the coming of age for me.

Unrelated note, for people who are wondering about the photographer... We had a nice 3-hour phone conversation last night. I told him that our relationship has gone beyond work, and that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. He feels comfortable being vulnerable with me too. Baby steps.

My Beauty Spread

I'm such a girly-girl. I saw the Your Beauty spread on Aeclectic Tarot, and I just had to work with it. It took a couple of attempts to get it the right feel for it, but I think this time it worked.

5  6
3  7
1
2  8
4  9

1. This represents yourself. 4 of Swords

I am often trapped by the past. I have a desire to move on and embrace whatever is in store for me, but then the feelings of getting emotionally burned creep into my spirit. As a result of that, I just stay in my shell. I never truly express what I want and who I am. It's the drawback to having a Venus in Cancer. That or Secret was telling me that I needed to go to bed.  

2. This represents your beauty. 8 of Swords

There is a vulnerability to my beauty. It yearns to shine, but it's scared to. Of course this ties into the 4 of Swords. Being burned from the past just wants my beauty to shy away and be invisible. At the same time, it does want to be able to come forth and be present, but it doesn't want to get hurt again.

3. What your beauty consist of. Strength

I think that there is an inner strength to my beauty that I have yet to embrace. I will be able to bring out the best in myself and the best in others.

4. What your beauty can offer others. 5 of Wands



I have absolutely no idea what this means in regards to what it can offer other people. I'll have people fighting over me? I wish...

5. How you see your beauty. The World

I'm beginning to acknowledge that I'm me. I'm flawed in many ways, and that's what makes me beautiful. I used to cringe at seeing my stretch marks, my bad skin, or my surgery scar, but I can't change that. It's better to let them be a part of me than to spend time hating myself over it. Now that I'm thinking about my view of the card while writing this out, I think back to the photo shoot I did in the park. It was so freeing, it was so amazing. I felt beautiful.

6. How others see your beauty. Knave of Pentacles

There are women out there who are just so beautiful and striking that they're almost unapproachable. I can't really think of a woman who's like that, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I... am not one of those women. That's not to say that I'm putting myself down. It's more like, there's a practical approach. People see that I don't wear makeup except for when I dance, and that adds a humanistic, for lack of a better term, approach. My beauty doesn't intimidate others.

7. Why people are intimidated by your beauty. Queen of Cups

I think people are intimidated by my beauty because it's disarming. I seem to have this ability to draw stories out of people. As much as I like to talk about myself, I think people open up to me and express their feelings to me. It reminds me of this book called the Passion Principle by Donna LeBlanc, where the author categorizes people into the Lover, Creator, Warrior, Visionary, and Prophet. I most identified with the Creator, as someone who tends to be the shoulder to cry on and focuses so much on other people at the expense of my own needs. The Pisces Moon allows me to feel other people's energy, and I think people may get freaked out by that.

8. What your beauty wants you to know. Queen of Pentacles

My beauty wants me to stay true to myself, but I also need to take care of my body. I need to work out more. Take care of my home. I definitely need to go out into nature a lot more as well. Sometimes, walking around the neighborhood makes a whole world of difference.

9. How your beauty will remain at old age. Queen of Swords

It looks like, I'll have to learn about different beauty regimens to keep my youthful appearance and vitality. 

The first thing that struck me was that three of the four queens came out. It's also quite telling that the Queen of Wands didn't appear. It's because I'm the least like her. I don't have that certain energy that Queen possesses. Even though she's hunched over, she still has a presence about her. If I see her, I know that I have to pay attention to her. The others have a different presence about them. The Queen of Cups doesn't appear much, but I relate to her in a way that I lack with the Queen of Wands.

Personal Year Spread

YAY! I'm back home from Vegas. Actually, I got in at 8:45 yesterday morning, then stayed at my mom's apartment for half the day. Two days is actually the perfect amount of time to be there. Despite the fact that I played poker in college, I don't really like to gamble much. The hotels on the strip are basically over-sized malls filled with stores that I can find at home. The highlight was seeing Cirque du Soleil's Ka. Absolutely moving artistically.

Now, enough about my time in Vegas. On to spreads! I had to work with Secret and Mermaids once I got home. This spread I found on Aecletic Tarot called the Personal Year spread. Considering that we are in the year of the Empress, and that's my personality and soul card, it was fitting to do it.

       4
3             5
      S/1
2             6
        7

S: The Empress

1. What do I bring to this current cycle? 10 of Cups

Despite everything that has gone on in the past year, I'm still maintaining a positive outlook on life. It has been such a major upgrade from the place I was last year.

2. What is this cycle's beneficial influence? 7 of Cups

I have this need to do so many different things, but I don't know where to begin. I want to take art classes, go back to the gym, pole dance, choreograph, do yoga, meditate, create my altar... All of that usually happens while I'm in bed.

3. What blocks or oppostions do I need to be aware of? The Magician

I may be so focused on myself and what I want that I may not see the big picture. Sometimes, it's just not all about me.

4. What area of my life will be most influenced by this cycle? Ace of Wands

It's creative bursts. It's having the ability to be artistic and creative.

5. What do I need to learn during this cycle? 3 of Wands

I need to learn to create opportunities for myself instead of sitting around and waiting for things to happen.

6. How can I incorporate these lessons into my life? 8 of Swords

I just need to stop with the indecisiveness and self-doubt. That kind of thinking will lead me nowhere.

7. What will be the most likely result at the end of this cycle? Queen of Pentacles

I identify with this queen the most of the four in Secret. I think it's allowing myself to be even more nurturing in my career (dance and makeup), and continue to develop my skills.

C for Creativity

This was another spread that I found on Aeclectic Tarot. It's such a simple spread, but I love it. I thought it was very accurate for me.

     1
2
     3

1. What is my art skill? Knave of Cups

I think this is a very accurate card to come out. Artistically, I'm a jack of all trades, master of none (except for dance and makeup), so my skill is in my imagination. I love visualizing, creating stories and images in my head. I'm such a day dreamer. It drives me crazy sometimes because I have difficulty making it real.

2. Where do I need to focus on developing my art skill? Queen of Pentacles

She's me, of course. I think it's actually taking the time to nurture my skills. I need to practice everyday. I'll get better the more I actually do it.

3. What will I gain from this art experience? The Sun

I will gain a sense of peace and harmony when I allow myself to enjoy the art experience. I think being an artist is something that I really am but wasn't allowed to develop because it's not becoming. It's great as a hobby, not as a profession or way of life.

New Acquaintance Spread

We're in February! YAY! The sucky part is that now I really need to find a job before I'm truly screwed. In the mean time I found this spread on Aeclectic Tarot about New Acquaintances. I opted to try it out to see what will come of this new acquaintance. We have a very strong working relationship so far, and I'll be damned if I didn't have a crush on him. I decided to work with Mermaids on this one. She's good with relationship stuff.

1. Who is he/she? 8 of Pentacles

This is the workhorse card, and that describes him well. He's a very creative spirit, quite proficient in the arts. He's also someone who pays attention to detail. Very meticulous indeed.

2. What are his/her intentions? Temperance

This was a good card to see. He does bring this sense of balance that's not as black and white as Justice (he's a Libra). He was a guide during my photo shoot, giving me things to help me stay focused when I was starting to get tired. He's someone who I can turn to as I develop my skill and build my portfolio,

3. What can the acquaintanceship lead to? Knave of Chalices

Hmmm... How interesting. I feel like we're going to be collaborating a lot. At the same time, I feel like there's something underneath the surface of that water, but we're so very shy about making that move.

4. Good advice/what I need to be aware of. Queen of Pentacles

Clearly, this queen is me. I had a discussion with a friend over this, and he said that this meant that I should trust my gut and take the plunge in asking him for a least coffee to gauge where the chemistry is. I need to push past my mental doubts and just go for it. It's funny because of the four queens, I feel the strongest connection to her.

5. Probable outcome. 10 of Chalices

Clearly, Mermaids is saying that I should nudge it along and ask him out for coffee because something great will happen. I have this tendency to just sit back and let the doubt sink in and not trust my intuition. If I actually do something about this, then we'll have a nice bond. After all, we established a good rapport very early on, and since then it's gotten better.

Would love to know your thoughts!

Elements of the Empress

As described in an earlier post, I had a conversation with Kafka's Ghost about finding spreads about my inner self, and what aspects of my self are coming forward. This is mostly due to the presence of the Empress (the first card I see when I open her Tarot of the Sephiroth, and it was one of the Present cards in the name spread). She is also my personality and soul card, and I feel her presence in full force now. She gave me the idea of a spread centered around her.

1     2     3

7     E     8

4     5     6

1, 2, 3 - Qualities of the conscious self
4, 5, 6 - Qualities of the unconscious self
7 - Past self
8 - Future self

1, 2, 3 - 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, 9 of Cups

At first I was very confused by the presence of the 5 of Pentacles because there was nothing symbolically that made sense. It took a little while for it to actually hit me that I needed to pay attention to the image itself because it's pretty true. I do spend a lot of my free time in front of the camera as an artistic model. There's something beautiful about it, and I feel like I reach a higher plane of being. 

The Knight of Swords also makes a lot of sense, as I am very communicative. I will definitely give an opinion though I'm not exactly known for having the most tact. I don't say inappropriate things, but I have a tendency to not think before I speak.

The 9 of Cups is my artist card. It's my creative force. It represents the pleasure I get when I pour my soul into my dance. I think this is when my bond with Her is the strongest. That is where She's channeling Herself into me, and I become Her vessel for expression.

4, 5, 6 - Queen of Pentacles, King of Wands, 6 of Cups

The Queen of Pentacles is a nurturing woman. Dependable. She is also very encouraging. She's the one to turn to when someone needs some very practical advice. This does make sense as I have found myself to be the person that people do turn to for advice. I think she is a positive queen for me, where the Queen of Swords represents the negative aspect of me.

The King of Wands appears a lot in different spreads. I can tell that he has quite the magnetic personality. I like looking at him when he appears. He draws me in. I think that's what I have when people get to know me. I seem to draw people in. Sometimes men tell me that they're extremely attracted to me despite the fact that I don't do anything to warrant it. I think I have a big personality, and like him, I usually stop at nothing to get my way.

Seeing the 6 of Cups was quite interesting to me. I think it's because I have this tendency to replay good events in my head. It's something that I love to do, and I love the fact that it distracts me from the present.

7 - The Hermit

Hmmm... I would say seeing the Hermit is pretty valid. I was constantly searching for who I was. I still am, but I was definitely lost. I never felt comfortable in the 9-5 world. I was constantly changing my appearance. Despite having friends, I was often very solitary. I would retreat into myself.

8 - 8 of Swords

Gah! This damned 8 of Swords! I am so sick of seeing this card, although it reflects how I'm feeling. There is this internal conflict of wanting to come into my own as a woman, but other forces want to keep me in a box. I think the difference is that I'm not having it. My struggle is how to move forward to come into my inner Empress.

Thoughts are always welcome.