The Artist Spread

Wow, I haven't written in a hot minute. It's been super crazy with my part time job and with dancing. I basically work, dance, eat, shower, and sleep. This is the first time I've had a day off to just sit around and do nothing in a while, so... time for a new spread.

I remember putting this spread in my journal as one of the spreads that I would love to use. When I saw Super-Frog's entry about the Artist Spread, and it was something that I needed. I've been in such a rut creatively, and I feel like I've lost my voice (my massage therapist noted that there was tension in my jaw). I thought it would be a good spread to do. I used Dream Enchantress with it.

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1. How the past affects the future. 10 of Swords
I have some demons that I'm currently battling right now, and it's affecting my ability to express myself. I had a situation where someone close to me had made a comment about a new costume that I'm certain came out the wrong way, and it affected what I did when I was on the stage. I just wanted to go home and never perform in it again.

2. How the project affects you right now. Ace of Swords
I do have ideas floating around. Nothing solid yet, but I have some things going. I think I just have to be patient about it, and it will come.

3. How to begin the project. 3 of Swords
I think I have to take the time to focus. I often have so many ideas swirling around my head that nothing ends up getting done. I should take one thing, and spend the time to work on it. If I don't, nothing gets done at all.

4. How to continue the project. Queen of Cups
I have to allow myself the ability to embrace my emotions. That's the only way I'll be able to get any project going. I've found in my dance that the emotions do play a huge difference in how I feel when I'm performing.

5. How to finish the project. 7 of Cups
Let me just say right now, this is my absolute favorite card among all decks I have. It's so beautiful, I'm just filled with calm when I see it. I have to mother my project. Encourage it to develop, then set it free. Let it go out into the universe. 

6. How to share the project in a way that will lead to... 3 of Wands
I just simply have to perform it. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable by putting it out there into the world.

7. ...the future. 6 of Swords
I'll find a higher sense of being, a new place in my journey. It makes sense because in order to move on, I'll need to kill whatever is holding me hostage creatively.

The Passion Spread

I did this spread about a week ago, but things have been super crazy with photo shoots. I'm back to stressing out again (work and money stuff), so what better way to try to calm down than to do a blog about my passion.

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1. What excites me at my very roots? The World
Well, this card showed up a lot last week. It's also very self-explanatory. It's freedom. It's having the ability to do what I want to do. It's the fact that I don't have a 9-5, and I work for myself. I love having the ability to be an artist, and to embrace that. I can schedule shoots for the middle of the week (though, I need to start charging once I get images back unless I'm working with an agency model) and then teach class after. I'm just not office material.

2. What supports my passion? 6 of Swords
This was a journey that I was meant to take. Losing my job, dancing a lot more, discovering my art in makeup. It's all a personal transformation for me.

3. How do I keep my passion burning hotly? 3 of Swords
Well, I just need to keep going on with my life. If I wasn't the way I am, I would be like the corpses in the snow. Not literally dead, but I think I'd be far worse than where I am. I have this huge obstacle in my way that I can't control, but I know that I just need to keep going. Eventually, the snow will stop. The sun will shine, and everything will be right in the world.

4. How do I keep it from blazing out of control? Queen of Pentacles
My queen! She's appearing everywhere. I relate to her so much, but I think Secret wants me to tap into her essence a lot more. With her, it's all about taking care to develop my passion. Don't just rush into things. Plan things carefully.

When I add up the numbers, what do I get? dun Dun DUN! The Empress. Definitely not a coincidence. I guess 2010 is shaping up to be the coming of age for me.

Unrelated note, for people who are wondering about the photographer... We had a nice 3-hour phone conversation last night. I told him that our relationship has gone beyond work, and that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. He feels comfortable being vulnerable with me too. Baby steps.

Valentine's Day Spread

To top the icing of the suckage cake, there's a video of the event and I'm not in it. Of everything that went on, I'm the only one not in the video. Yeah, ultimate fail.

Fortunately, I had a great reading from Kafka's Ghost. It's so amazing how despite the distance, she's very in tune with me. She has a great skill. She gave me some huge insights on what I think I need and the changes that are going on right now. Love ya, KG!

I decided to do a Valentine's Day spread found here. I decided to use Mermaids for this spread.

1. Past experience with love. Knight of Swords

Whenever someone has expressed interest in me, I would practically flee like this knight is doing. I'd say to myself, "Why is this person interested in me? I don't think I'm anything special." I was all about retreating into myself.

2. Current experience with love. The Hanged Man

A whole lot of nothing is happening right now. I'm just in a stagnant place. Nothing moving forward or back. It just...is. 

3. What you have to give in a love relationship. Knave of Swords

I guess I'm up for the challenge of being in a relationship.

4. What I want from a love relationship. 3 of Swords

How funny is it to get this card? What I want is honesty and truth. I want to know the truth, even if it means that I may get hurt.


5. What I need from a love relationship. The Empress

I think I need a relationship where I can fully be myself. A relationship where I can be nurturing to my partner, be sensual and feminine. I need to be that giver, but I also need to learn patience.

6. Future experiences with love. Queen of Swords

This card was interesting to see because I did another relationship spread and this queen came up in the "qualities I look for in a mate" position (using Secret). The Zodiac sign affiliated with her is Libra, who is also the sign of a certain new (now not so new, but you get the point) acquaintance. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it would be super awesome if it was him.

Tarot Writing Prompt: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

When I found Cat 'N Owl's writing prompt Matchmaker, Matchmaker, I knew that I had to write this. In fact, the two cards came to me immediately without having to go through my deck. I don't claim to be a writer, so don't expect a literary masterpiece. I'll probably make grammatical errors in the process too. I have difficulty translating images I visualize into words.



In the darkness of night, she stands alone by a pond, a jug of water in her hands. Her heart breaks because of the loss she's faced. Did her love one die? Did he reject her love? No one knows. She will not reveal the source of her pain. Instead, she swears to herself to never give her love to anyone. She begins to pour the water into the pond, releasing her heart to the world. In her sadness, she doesn't see the star, her sliver of hope.

He is a weary traveler. He has come a long way, but he still has so far to go. His journey never seems to end, but he finds solace in his trusty companion. He doesn't know why he continues this journey, but he knows he must go. His only source of guidance is the lone star that illuminates his path. Exhausted from his journey, he stops at a pond to let his horse drink when he sees a woman pouring water into the pond.

She lifts her head and their eyes meet. There is something intriguing, but they both hesitate. His lips curl in an inviting smile, compelling her to react in kind. Somehow, there's a sense of ease between them, a familiarity. What's to come, they don't know, but they feel hopeful...

A song that really came to my head while writing this is "Sweet Potato" by Sia. Great song...

Daily 3-Card Reading for 1/18

1. What I did well today: 6 of Cups

This was a great card to see. I needed to feel good about something today because I have been so stressed out about a lot of things. I would say, this is the one of the few times the LWB is correct in what I did well. When I'm at the studio dancing, it's the moment that I can escape from the reality of my situation. It's my play time, and I made the most of that.

2. What I must leave behind: 3 of Swords

Once again, the LWB relates to the card! I must leave behind the uncertainty I feel about the future, about whether or not I'll be able to find something that will give me enough flexibility to continue developing my makeup career and my dance.

3. What I must take with me into tomorrow: The Star

I must have faith that I will be able to find what I'm looking for. I must stay positive.

Secret definitely picked up on my stress, and I appreciate its calm reassurance. I should take it's advice and stay positive because it's not the kind of deck that would sugar-coat things.