Sunday, February 28, 2010

February Assessment

February is over. That means spring's a-coming! Yay! I didn't do this at the end of January, but I think this would be great to do an assessment of each month based on the cycle of the year I did at the beginning of the year.

February's Card: Queen of Swords

I'd say that this was a rather accurate card for this month for many different reasons. My primary assessment of the card was that I was going to be emotionally withdrawn, and keeping myself guarded with my feelings and thoughts. That definitely happened. There was a situation that occurred that caused me to withdraw into myself and stopped me from being as open as I would like. On the other side of the coin, there's a guy who I'm very interested in is in my life (granted we met in January during a photo shoot). The Queen of Swords is the court card that represents Libra, his zodiac sign, so I'd say that's the good side to this card. I hope that there's something developing between us.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Portrait Spread

I found this lovely spread on Aeclectic Tarot, and I thought it would be great to do it. I love to compile spreads and out them in my journal. Some I'll actually do, others I'll observe and try to understand what Secret is telling me. The brackets indicate that the card is laid out horizontally.


4                   5



1. This is how I see the world. This is what I see. The Magician

I see potential. I see this budding energy that's just waiting to take the world by storm. I feel like there's a budding energy that's waiting to explode.

2. This is what I smell, this is where I'm following my nose to. Knave of Cups

I took this position as if I were a pointer or a bloodhound. What am I latching onto as a guide for me. Now, I love this knave. He is so sweet and gentle, and I smile every time I see him. He is my favorite of the four. That being said, he scares the shit out of me. Why? I don't want to be set up for disappointment. He comes with a message of potential love and romance. I'm not even speculating who at this point, but considering what I want now, I hope he's not playing games with me.

3. This is how I talk. This is how I communicate. 7 of Pentacles

At first I was wondering what Secret was trying to say about it, but it just hit me. When I first meet people, I tend to take a step back and assess where I am and how people approach each other before I put myself out there. I'm very shy and guarded in the beginning, but it really doesn't take a long time before I become a chatterbox.

4. This is what I hear others say about me. 9 of Wands

My first instinct seeing this card is about loneliness. I think people realize that as open as I am about a lot of things, I still keep so much of myself very private, and that they often don't see the "real" me (whoever she is).

5. This is what I hear myself say about myself. The Devil

This is very accurate. I'm constantly putting myself down. Once a negative thought comes into my head, it just keeps going and going. It starts with one thing then just keeps going. I can't watch myself in videos because the first thoughts are about my body, and then it just escalates into my abilities as a dancer and choreographer. I beat myself up a lot.

6. This is how I think; this is my perception of the world. Temperance

I try to look to the outside world to find balance. I'm looking to nature for its healing energy and power. I try to be open to new opportunities.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day Spread

To top the icing of the suckage cake, there's a video of the event and I'm not in it. Of everything that went on, I'm the only one not in the video. Yeah, ultimate fail.

Fortunately, I had a great reading from Kafka's Ghost. It's so amazing how despite the distance, she's very in tune with me. She has a great skill. She gave me some huge insights on what I think I need and the changes that are going on right now. Love ya, KG!

I decided to do a Valentine's Day spread found here. I decided to use Mermaids for this spread.

1. Past experience with love. Knight of Swords

Whenever someone has expressed interest in me, I would practically flee like this knight is doing. I'd say to myself, "Why is this person interested in me? I don't think I'm anything special." I was all about retreating into myself.

2. Current experience with love. The Hanged Man

A whole lot of nothing is happening right now. I'm just in a stagnant place. Nothing moving forward or back. It 

3. What you have to give in a love relationship. Knave of Swords

I guess I'm up for the challenge of being in a relationship.

4. What I want from a love relationship. 3 of Swords

How funny is it to get this card? What I want is honesty and truth. I want to know the truth, even if it means that I may get hurt.

5. What I need from a love relationship. The Empress

I think I need a relationship where I can fully be myself. A relationship where I can be nurturing to my partner, be sensual and feminine. I need to be that giver, but I also need to learn patience.

6. Future experiences with love. Queen of Swords

This card was interesting to see because I did another relationship spread and this queen came up in the "qualities I look for in a mate" position (using Secret). The Zodiac sign affiliated with her is Libra, who is also the sign of a certain new (now not so new, but you get the point) acquaintance. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it would be super awesome if it was him.

Monday, February 15, 2010

A Valentine's Day Daily 3

I'm not really putting up daily 3 nowadays because my life isn't all that interesting, but I have been putting it in my journal. I decided to put this one up because it was Valentine's Day, and it wound up sucking ass in the end (despite performing).

1. What I did well today? 4 of Cups

I am acknowledging the fact that everything is not as peachy keen and harmonious as I had thought it would be. I'm beginning to realize that I'm so caught up in my issues that I sometimes miss the good opportunities in front of me.

2. What I need to leave behind? 5 of Wands

Yeah. Very accurate, Secret. Basically I had a gig last night (What's better than sitting in front of the TV watching The Notebook while eating a carton of Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Working!), and a dude I hooked up with was there. I knew he was going to be there because he was helping out with the event. He has some serious douche tendencies, so needless to say I was mad at the fact that this fool has a chick on his arm while I'm single. This got a huge WTF?!!?? from me. How does this asshole have someone? I didn't get it, and I don't get it still. Needless to say I spent most of the evening pissed off: Pissed that he doesn't have the common decency to be civil (no slapping my back with a magazine does not mean hello, nor is drunk texting me at 8AM on a Sunday), pissed at seeing him with someone while I'm single, and mostly pissed at myself for letting him affect me that way to the point where it impacted my dance. I'm angry at myself for letting someone so insignificant hold so much power over me, and I know I need to let it go.

3. What I need to take with me into tomorrow? 9 of Swords

I need to not lose sleep over this douchenozzle. He's just simply not worth my time or effort, and I just need to let it go. I am that which I am. He is that which he is.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

C for Creativity

This was another spread that I found on Aeclectic Tarot. It's such a simple spread, but I love it. I thought it was very accurate for me.


1. What is my art skill? Knave of Cups

I think this is a very accurate card to come out. Artistically, I'm a jack of all trades, master of none (except for dance and makeup), so my skill is in my imagination. I love visualizing, creating stories and images in my head. I'm such a day dreamer. It drives me crazy sometimes because I have difficulty making it real.

2. Where do I need to focus on developing my art skill? Queen of Pentacles

She's me, of course. I think it's actually taking the time to nurture my skills. I need to practice everyday. I'll get better the more I actually do it.

3. What will I gain from this art experience? The Sun

I will gain a sense of peace and harmony when I allow myself to enjoy the art experience. I think being an artist is something that I really am but wasn't allowed to develop because it's not becoming. It's great as a hobby, not as a profession or way of life.

Tarot Writing Prompt: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

When I found Cat 'N Owl's writing prompt Matchmaker, Matchmaker, I knew that I had to write this. In fact, the two cards came to me immediately without having to go through my deck. I don't claim to be a writer, so don't expect a literary masterpiece. I'll probably make grammatical errors in the process too. I have difficulty translating images I visualize into words.

In the darkness of night, she stands alone by a pond, a jug of water in her hands. Her heart breaks because of the loss she's faced. Did her love one die? Did he reject her love? No one knows. She will not reveal the source of her pain. Instead, she swears to herself to never give her love to anyone. She begins to pour the water into the pond, releasing her heart to the world. In her sadness, she doesn't see the star, her sliver of hope.

He is a weary traveler. He has come a long way, but he still has so far to go. His journey never seems to end, but he finds solace in his trusty companion. He doesn't know why he continues this journey, but he knows he must go. His only source of guidance is the lone star that illuminates his path. Exhausted from his journey, he stops at a pond to let his horse drink when he sees a woman pouring water into the pond.

She lifts her head and their eyes meet. There is something intriguing, but they both hesitate. His lips curl in an inviting smile, compelling her to react in kind. Somehow, there's a sense of ease between them, a familiarity. What's to come, they don't know, but they feel hopeful...

A song that really came to my head while writing this is "Sweet Potato" by Sia. Great song...

Friday, February 5, 2010

My PDR Progress

I was reading Bluedragonfly's entry about her PDR progress, and I thought it would be a good idea to see how Secret sees my progress.

1. How am I progressing with my PDR? 6 of Cups

I'm currently seeing this PDR as a form of escapism. I'm taking a bit of a child-like approach to it, developing a sense of comfort and familiarity with Secret.

2. Why do I need to do this PDR? 9 of Cups

I get comfort and satisfaction from doing this. It's my own little personal indulgence.

3. What problems am I facing with my PDR? 10 of Cups

I think I'm focusing too much on how the PDR should be instead of embracing it for what it is. I need to allow it to be my own personal journey.

4. What do I need to focus on developing in my PDR? Ace of Cups

I must establish a deeper connection with Secret. I must trust in my intuition, and embrace what he says.

5. What can I gain from this PDR? 2 of Cups

I can create a deeper connection and bond with Secret.

Wow... lots of Cups involved here. I think Secret has become attached to me too. I like it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Musings on Secret

In a lot of reviews, I've seen a lot of references to how dark Secret is and that it's not recommended for reading others due to that. I really don't see the darkness in Secret. Yeah, the Knight of Cups and the Queen of Swords are very dark cards, but I see him as being a very honest deck, one that has a lot to say. Lots of deep truths that maybe I as a sentient being is not ready to handle.

I think sometimes I fail him in that he has so much to say to me, but I'm only capable of reading on a surface level right now. What I am grateful for is the fact that he is very comforting. It surprisingly didn't take too long for us to establish a relationship. He's giving me so much, and I'm not living up to my end of the bargain. He said that he was going to push me. I hope I can live up to it as I embark on my second month with him.

Monday, February 1, 2010

New Acquaintance Spread

We're in February! YAY! The sucky part is that now I really need to find a job before I'm truly screwed. In the mean time I found this spread on Aeclectic Tarot about New Acquaintances. I opted to try it out to see what will come of this new acquaintance. We have a very strong working relationship so far, and I'll be damned if I didn't have a crush on him. I decided to work with Mermaids on this one. She's good with relationship stuff.

1. Who is he/she? 8 of Pentacles

This is the workhorse card, and that describes him well. He's a very creative spirit, quite proficient in the arts. He's also someone who pays attention to detail. Very meticulous indeed.

2. What are his/her intentions? Temperance

This was a good card to see. He does bring this sense of balance that's not as black and white as Justice (he's a Libra). He was a guide during my photo shoot, giving me things to help me stay focused when I was starting to get tired. He's someone who I can turn to as I develop my skill and build my portfolio,

3. What can the acquaintanceship lead to? Knave of Chalices

Hmmm... How interesting. I feel like we're going to be collaborating a lot. At the same time, I feel like there's something underneath the surface of that water, but we're so very shy about making that move.

4. Good advice/what I need to be aware of. Queen of Pentacles

Clearly, this queen is me. I had a discussion with a friend over this, and he said that this meant that I should trust my gut and take the plunge in asking him for a least coffee to gauge where the chemistry is. I need to push past my mental doubts and just go for it. It's funny because of the four queens, I feel the strongest connection to her.

5. Probable outcome. 10 of Chalices

Clearly, Mermaids is saying that I should nudge it along and ask him out for coffee because something great will happen. I have this tendency to just sit back and let the doubt sink in and not trust my intuition. If I actually do something about this, then we'll have a nice bond. After all, we established a good rapport very early on, and since then it's gotten better.

Would love to know your thoughts!