Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My Path

My path into Tarot is a very short one, but it's a part of a larger journey that I am currently partaking. I guess it couldn't hurt to write about it. The elements alone don't seem to make a lot of sense, but when put together, it makes for a rather interesting story. I'm going to ramble a lot. Just putting thoughts out there.

I think I've always believed in what Tarot can give us. I don't think that it's a way to tell us what to do and how to live our lives. It opens up a world of possibilities and choices. I think Tarot can give us insights that we wouldn't normally think to give us. It's up to us to use those insights to the best of our abilities.

My story actually starts in March of 2008. As a part of my girlfriend's birthday celebration, she hired a Tarot reader. A Tarot reader who's also a belly dancer and at the time was a part of a troupe of a well-known dancer in the area (looking back, if that wasn't my spirit guide's smack upside the head, I don't know what is). It was a very eye-opening reading, as everything she had informed me was very spot on. She had informed me of my struggle of acknowledging myself as a woman despite being 23 at the time. She also informed me of my child-like qualities, a sort of innocence I exude. The two biggest things, however, were the cards in position 9 and 10 of the Celtic Cross: Death and Judgement. My biggest fear will become my biggest hope, and I will eventually share what I love with the world. How true it was. I was afraid of losing my job and that sense of security. A year later, I was laid off, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. That allowed me to focus on what made me happy: my dance and makeup. I became a dance teacher, and regardless of how lazy I felt during the day, when I was in the studio I gave all of myself to my students. How cool is that?

I felt like the Universe had freed me from a very toxic environment and allowed me to go forward with what I wanted to do, but at the same time I struggled with a loss of identity. The standard path of having a 9-5 (or 10 depending on the assignment) was gone. I still had my dance and my makeup, but I didn't consciously know what I could bring to both. In essence, I didn't know who *I* was. Something compelled me to take up artistic modeling. Don't really know why, I guess it was just something to do. Then there was this fateful day in August, where I modeled out in the New Jersey State Park. No expectations. Practice on his part, and my wanting to be out of the house. It was quite the liberating experience to model out in nature. I didn't worry about people potentially catching me. It was so beautiful, and when I saw the pictures, I was in awe. Normally, I'd cringe at seeing myself in pictures, but I told the photographer that he captured something that was beyond me. I couldn't verbalize what it was, but it was beautiful. My favorite photo is of me standing by a tree, looking out to the open space before me (hoping that a car wouldn't pass by in the process). It was so simple, and I wasn't really doing anything, but I felt this feminine energy that I hadn't felt before.

I felt like something new had developed, that there was this self-discovery. I had this feeling that there was something new going on, but I had no idea what. Still, it was so exciting, that I just had to embrace it. I longed to be a student again, to understand what this discovery was, how I can channel this energy into my daily life, how I can be a more fulfilled human being. I've found that this discovery has manifested itself in my dance, and it's changed how I approach the dance as well.

I've always been interested in astrology, and I always joke that if you want to know what I'm like in a nutshell, just look up my natal chart. In a period of madness, I considered tattooing my natal chart onto my body (cooler heads prevailed). I discovered that during this time of discovery Neptune trined Mercury. It was going to be a time of spiritual insights and enlightenment, enhanced creative abilities, developing intuition. It was so exciting to learn that this was happening while I was continuing my journey.

All of a sudden, I saw a book that was up for sale about Tarot spreads on a belly dance forum (thanks to the absolutely awesome C). Something in my gut just said to buy it, and so I did. I had always been interested in, but I didn't think I have the ability to read the cards (I still don't, but that's something that I have to take day by day). It was the purchase that changed my life. It's allowed me to dive further into my journey, and according to Secret it's a profound journey.

Whew... that was a lot. There's so much more I can say, but then I'd be all over the place.

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