This was inspired my a card meditation, but it's not about the cards. It's just me spewing thoughts out.
Ever so often I get this urge, this tugging need to do something. I feel the energy tingling in my palms and it trails out to the fingers. Sometimes it's a desire to add a new tarot deck to my collection (Fey and Magical Forest being the top two on my list right now), it's a desire to add makeup to my kit (Yaby's World of Pearl Paints or the Cream Foundations), it's a desire to make art (should I draw? or dance?). More often than not, it's a combination of all three. Of course, the common thread is in the artistry. Do I want to have the decks because I'm drawn to the artwork? Do I want to be able to have more tools to utilize for my career? Do I actually just want to do art when I don't have a face to work on?
At some point in all of this, I get so overwhelmed. My brain really doesn't know where to focus because I want to do all these things at once. Ultimately, nothing happens because I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to channel my energy in a productive way. Eventually, that tingling in my fingers go away, but I don't necessarily feel any better.
I decided to do a meditation on the 3 of Swords. The card showed up earlier in the month, and again during KG's reading about the future. It's something that I need to work on in order to achieve my 9 of Chalices. There were many difference instances where the 3 of Swords makes sense in my life, but for some reason I saw the many unused sketchbooks and notebooks. Ironically enough, I was anticipating dealing with stuff about my father, but it just came back to the sketchbooks. Something pulled me out of the meditation before I could dive deeper, but it was so unusual that it was about that. What is the 3 of Swords telling me about my art?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Tarotistas!
I had the great pleasure of having Kafka's Ghost visit me this weekend. It was absolutely awesome spending time with her and talking about the things we love: belly dance, makeup, and tarot! There were decks we loved (Thoth, which we now call Toth, Tarot of the Secret Forest), decks we didn't love (Haindl), decks on our wishlist... She's so fantabulous!
I also had the pleasure of doing a reading for her. It was scary in the beginning because I had never done a reading for anyone other than myself (I still refer to the Tarot Bible), and I'm reading for someone who I consider a mentor. She has such a reassuring presence that it did get easier once I laid out the cards for her. The message was quite clear, and it was very easy to read. I'm very proud of myself to actually take the plunge to read for someone else, and I'm glad my first reading experience was with KG.
She also did a reading for me using her Really Awesome 9-Card Spread, and it was so informative. The main focus of the spread turned out to be career-related, lots of Pentacles and Wands. My career, dance and makeup, are the things that I'm currently developing and nurturing. What was telling to me was that in the Future position, the 3 of Swords came up. She looked at it as an opportunity to take a look back at the past and the things that have hurt me, reconcile those things, and from there I'd achieve the 9 of Cups, satisfaction.
I also had the pleasure of doing a reading for her. It was scary in the beginning because I had never done a reading for anyone other than myself (I still refer to the Tarot Bible), and I'm reading for someone who I consider a mentor. She has such a reassuring presence that it did get easier once I laid out the cards for her. The message was quite clear, and it was very easy to read. I'm very proud of myself to actually take the plunge to read for someone else, and I'm glad my first reading experience was with KG.
She also did a reading for me using her Really Awesome 9-Card Spread, and it was so informative. The main focus of the spread turned out to be career-related, lots of Pentacles and Wands. My career, dance and makeup, are the things that I'm currently developing and nurturing. What was telling to me was that in the Future position, the 3 of Swords came up. She looked at it as an opportunity to take a look back at the past and the things that have hurt me, reconcile those things, and from there I'd achieve the 9 of Cups, satisfaction.
Friday, April 16, 2010
New Moon Reading
I haven't written on the blog in a hot minute. Sorry! I'm here though, and it's time for the New Moon Spread.
1. What lays on your dark depths. What is unseen. What we stumble against in the dark nights. Knave of Cups
Okay, Secret is just being mean right now. I swear, he likes seeing me squirm. I'm sure most people know of my interest in a certain photographer, and I feel like I've just made misstep after misstep. It's to the point where I want to beat him over the head and tell him that I want to go out on a date with him, but that's just not the way to do it. I don't know what to do anymore...
2. What will begin to show, to arise. The Chariot
I can sum up my feelings about this card in one word: Huh? No, really. I don't understand what Secret is trying to tell me (rather, I'm sure I understand what he's trying to say, but my conscious self is blocking it). This is one of those moments where I feel like the Bride when she's trying to break that block of wood up close and she just gets a banged up hand for her efforts.
3. What will illuminate the dark path. The key in the night. Knave of Swords
This is the problem solver card. If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's coming up with a plan to get out of a bad situation. Of course, when that involves members of the opposite sex, I just retreat into myself and put a wall up.
0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. 9 of Pentacles
Whoever this woman is, I am not her. I don't feel like her under any stretch of the imagination. I can see the retreating element, but it's not a pleasurable retreat.
1. What lays on your dark depths. What is unseen. What we stumble against in the dark nights. Knave of Cups
Okay, Secret is just being mean right now. I swear, he likes seeing me squirm. I'm sure most people know of my interest in a certain photographer, and I feel like I've just made misstep after misstep. It's to the point where I want to beat him over the head and tell him that I want to go out on a date with him, but that's just not the way to do it. I don't know what to do anymore...
2. What will begin to show, to arise. The Chariot
I can sum up my feelings about this card in one word: Huh? No, really. I don't understand what Secret is trying to tell me (rather, I'm sure I understand what he's trying to say, but my conscious self is blocking it). This is one of those moments where I feel like the Bride when she's trying to break that block of wood up close and she just gets a banged up hand for her efforts.
3. What will illuminate the dark path. The key in the night. Knave of Swords
This is the problem solver card. If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's coming up with a plan to get out of a bad situation. Of course, when that involves members of the opposite sex, I just retreat into myself and put a wall up.
0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. 9 of Pentacles
Whoever this woman is, I am not her. I don't feel like her under any stretch of the imagination. I can see the retreating element, but it's not a pleasurable retreat.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Recurring Cards...
Oh, my beautiful Knave of Cups. My friend, my loyal companion. Why must you torment me so? You have come to me nearly everyday for the past two weeks. Clearly, there's something that you want me to do that I'm not doing. There's a message in your cup that I'm apparently not getting. What is it that you're trying to tell me?
I did two spreads on this, and I think both really related well to each other. Both spreads required 5 cards. Now, onto reading 1.
1. This card does not mean this!... 4 of Swords
Clearly, this means that I should not sit around and wait for something to happen.
2. ...And this won't help! Strength
Being a coward about the whole thing will not help.
3. This card does mean this!... 3 of Wands
There's a new opportunity and potential for love in store for you.
4. ...And this will help! Queen of Wands
But you have to embrace this side of yourself in order to make this happen. You must be her. Be passionate. Make yourself stand out.
5. What will I learn from understanding this card? 2 of Wands
You have to make a decision about what you want to do. Have courage to take that next step, and it will be the right one for you.
Here's the second reading.
1. Who are you? 8 of Swords
I'm not a person, per se, but rather an idea. You have been at this impasse between wanting to do something yet holding back. You don't want to get hurt, but you have to allow yourself the vulnerability to do so.
2. Why are you appearing? King of Wands
How fitting that the Queen and King appear? I definitely identify with him very well, and he represents the charming side to me. I think this is his way of saying, that I have an ability to draw people in, take advantage of that.
3. What is your significance? Knight of Cups
From a child to a teenager. I think the knave is saying that he wants to grow, but it's up to me to make it happen.
4. Where will I meet you? The Empress
I don't know about this one. This is more because I am the Empress and she is me. I think it will be in the situation where I actually embrace the Queen of Wands, that I will meet the Empress.
5. Have I met you? King of Pentacles
I'm taking that answer as a yes.
I did two spreads on this, and I think both really related well to each other. Both spreads required 5 cards. Now, onto reading 1.
1. This card does not mean this!... 4 of Swords
Clearly, this means that I should not sit around and wait for something to happen.
2. ...And this won't help! Strength
Being a coward about the whole thing will not help.
3. This card does mean this!... 3 of Wands
There's a new opportunity and potential for love in store for you.
4. ...And this will help! Queen of Wands
But you have to embrace this side of yourself in order to make this happen. You must be her. Be passionate. Make yourself stand out.
5. What will I learn from understanding this card? 2 of Wands
You have to make a decision about what you want to do. Have courage to take that next step, and it will be the right one for you.
Here's the second reading.
1. Who are you? 8 of Swords
I'm not a person, per se, but rather an idea. You have been at this impasse between wanting to do something yet holding back. You don't want to get hurt, but you have to allow yourself the vulnerability to do so.
2. Why are you appearing? King of Wands
How fitting that the Queen and King appear? I definitely identify with him very well, and he represents the charming side to me. I think this is his way of saying, that I have an ability to draw people in, take advantage of that.
3. What is your significance? Knight of Cups
From a child to a teenager. I think the knave is saying that he wants to grow, but it's up to me to make it happen.
4. Where will I meet you? The Empress
I don't know about this one. This is more because I am the Empress and she is me. I think it will be in the situation where I actually embrace the Queen of Wands, that I will meet the Empress.
5. Have I met you? King of Pentacles
I'm taking that answer as a yes.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Full Moon Spread
We're in April! YAY! More time to be outside!
I've been bad about updating the blog. Stuff in life is happening. I'm feeling the effects of Mars going direct now. Still, I had to do a Full Moon Spread.
3
2
1
0
1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. 2 of Cups
Oh Secret... I see what you did there! It's certainly no coincidence that this was the same card that showed up in the New Moon spread. Three guesses as to what this is about. :-)
2. What gets completed, closes a cycle. Knight of Pentacles
This was a hard one to gauge. I think this Knight is telling me that the cautious approach to life must end. It's time to just dive in head first. My plans have shifted, and I have to enjoy the journey.
3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you, to darken....or what needs to be. 5 of Wands
I am the queen of self-sabotage, especially when I start panicking. I think this card is saying that I need to get my act together, and that sometimes I won't get things my way, but I have to continue on. I can't freak out about it. I have to deal with it and move on.
0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. The Hermit
I certainly have taken more of an introspective point of view. I'm constantly trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my financial situation and my business. I'll be continuing to build my book, but a girl's gotta have a roof over her head. I'll find a way.
I've been bad about updating the blog. Stuff in life is happening. I'm feeling the effects of Mars going direct now. Still, I had to do a Full Moon Spread.
3
2
1
0
1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. 2 of Cups
Oh Secret... I see what you did there! It's certainly no coincidence that this was the same card that showed up in the New Moon spread. Three guesses as to what this is about. :-)
2. What gets completed, closes a cycle. Knight of Pentacles
This was a hard one to gauge. I think this Knight is telling me that the cautious approach to life must end. It's time to just dive in head first. My plans have shifted, and I have to enjoy the journey.
3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you, to darken....or what needs to be. 5 of Wands
I am the queen of self-sabotage, especially when I start panicking. I think this card is saying that I need to get my act together, and that sometimes I won't get things my way, but I have to continue on. I can't freak out about it. I have to deal with it and move on.
0. Yourself. Shadow card from the base of the deck. The Hermit
I certainly have taken more of an introspective point of view. I'm constantly trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my financial situation and my business. I'll be continuing to build my book, but a girl's gotta have a roof over her head. I'll find a way.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Passion Spread
I did this spread about a week ago, but things have been super crazy with photo shoots. I'm back to stressing out again (work and money stuff), so what better way to try to calm down than to do a blog about my passion.
4
3
2
1
1. What excites me at my very roots? The World
Well, this card showed up a lot last week. It's also very self-explanatory. It's freedom. It's having the ability to do what I want to do. It's the fact that I don't have a 9-5, and I work for myself. I love having the ability to be an artist, and to embrace that. I can schedule shoots for the middle of the week (though, I need to start charging once I get images back unless I'm working with an agency model) and then teach class after. I'm just not office material.
2. What supports my passion? 6 of Swords
This was a journey that I was meant to take. Losing my job, dancing a lot more, discovering my art in makeup. It's all a personal transformation for me.
3. How do I keep my passion burning hotly? 3 of Swords
Well, I just need to keep going on with my life. If I wasn't the way I am, I would be like the corpses in the snow. Not literally dead, but I think I'd be far worse than where I am. I have this huge obstacle in my way that I can't control, but I know that I just need to keep going. Eventually, the snow will stop. The sun will shine, and everything will be right in the world.
4. How do I keep it from blazing out of control? Queen of Pentacles
My queen! She's appearing everywhere. I relate to her so much, but I think Secret wants me to tap into her essence a lot more. With her, it's all about taking care to develop my passion. Don't just rush into things. Plan things carefully.
When I add up the numbers, what do I get? dun Dun DUN! The Empress. Definitely not a coincidence. I guess 2010 is shaping up to be the coming of age for me.
Unrelated note, for people who are wondering about the photographer... We had a nice 3-hour phone conversation last night. I told him that our relationship has gone beyond work, and that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. He feels comfortable being vulnerable with me too. Baby steps.
4
3
2
1
1. What excites me at my very roots? The World
Well, this card showed up a lot last week. It's also very self-explanatory. It's freedom. It's having the ability to do what I want to do. It's the fact that I don't have a 9-5, and I work for myself. I love having the ability to be an artist, and to embrace that. I can schedule shoots for the middle of the week (though, I need to start charging once I get images back unless I'm working with an agency model) and then teach class after. I'm just not office material.
2. What supports my passion? 6 of Swords
This was a journey that I was meant to take. Losing my job, dancing a lot more, discovering my art in makeup. It's all a personal transformation for me.
3. How do I keep my passion burning hotly? 3 of Swords
Well, I just need to keep going on with my life. If I wasn't the way I am, I would be like the corpses in the snow. Not literally dead, but I think I'd be far worse than where I am. I have this huge obstacle in my way that I can't control, but I know that I just need to keep going. Eventually, the snow will stop. The sun will shine, and everything will be right in the world.
4. How do I keep it from blazing out of control? Queen of Pentacles
My queen! She's appearing everywhere. I relate to her so much, but I think Secret wants me to tap into her essence a lot more. With her, it's all about taking care to develop my passion. Don't just rush into things. Plan things carefully.
When I add up the numbers, what do I get? dun Dun DUN! The Empress. Definitely not a coincidence. I guess 2010 is shaping up to be the coming of age for me.
Unrelated note, for people who are wondering about the photographer... We had a nice 3-hour phone conversation last night. I told him that our relationship has gone beyond work, and that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. He feels comfortable being vulnerable with me too. Baby steps.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My Beauty Spread
I'm such a girly-girl. I saw the Your Beauty spread on Aeclectic Tarot, and I just had to work with it. It took a couple of attempts to get it the right feel for it, but I think this time it worked.
5 6
3 7
1
2 8
4 9
1. This represents yourself. 4 of Swords
I am often trapped by the past. I have a desire to move on and embrace whatever is in store for me, but then the feelings of getting emotionally burned creep into my spirit. As a result of that, I just stay in my shell. I never truly express what I want and who I am. It's the drawback to having a Venus in Cancer. That or Secret was telling me that I needed to go to bed.
2. This represents your beauty. 8 of Swords
There is a vulnerability to my beauty. It yearns to shine, but it's scared to. Of course this ties into the 4 of Swords. Being burned from the past just wants my beauty to shy away and be invisible. At the same time, it does want to be able to come forth and be present, but it doesn't want to get hurt again.
3. What your beauty consist of. Strength
I think that there is an inner strength to my beauty that I have yet to embrace. I will be able to bring out the best in myself and the best in others.
4. What your beauty can offer others. 5 of Wands
I have absolutely no idea what this means in regards to what it can offer other people. I'll have people fighting over me? I wish...
5. How you see your beauty. The World
I'm beginning to acknowledge that I'm me. I'm flawed in many ways, and that's what makes me beautiful. I used to cringe at seeing my stretch marks, my bad skin, or my surgery scar, but I can't change that. It's better to let them be a part of me than to spend time hating myself over it. Now that I'm thinking about my view of the card while writing this out, I think back to the photo shoot I did in the park. It was so freeing, it was so amazing. I felt beautiful.
6. How others see your beauty. Knave of Pentacles
There are women out there who are just so beautiful and striking that they're almost unapproachable. I can't really think of a woman who's like that, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I... am not one of those women. That's not to say that I'm putting myself down. It's more like, there's a practical approach. People see that I don't wear makeup except for when I dance, and that adds a humanistic, for lack of a better term, approach. My beauty doesn't intimidate others.
7. Why people are intimidated by your beauty. Queen of Cups
I think people are intimidated by my beauty because it's disarming. I seem to have this ability to draw stories out of people. As much as I like to talk about myself, I think people open up to me and express their feelings to me. It reminds me of this book called the Passion Principle by Donna LeBlanc, where the author categorizes people into the Lover, Creator, Warrior, Visionary, and Prophet. I most identified with the Creator, as someone who tends to be the shoulder to cry on and focuses so much on other people at the expense of my own needs. The Pisces Moon allows me to feel other people's energy, and I think people may get freaked out by that.
8. What your beauty wants you to know. Queen of Pentacles
My beauty wants me to stay true to myself, but I also need to take care of my body. I need to work out more. Take care of my home. I definitely need to go out into nature a lot more as well. Sometimes, walking around the neighborhood makes a whole world of difference.
9. How your beauty will remain at old age. Queen of Swords
It looks like, I'll have to learn about different beauty regimens to keep my youthful appearance and vitality.
The first thing that struck me was that three of the four queens came out. It's also quite telling that the Queen of Wands didn't appear. It's because I'm the least like her. I don't have that certain energy that Queen possesses. Even though she's hunched over, she still has a presence about her. If I see her, I know that I have to pay attention to her. The others have a different presence about them. The Queen of Cups doesn't appear much, but I relate to her in a way that I lack with the Queen of Wands.
5 6
3 7
1
2 8
4 9
1. This represents yourself. 4 of Swords
I am often trapped by the past. I have a desire to move on and embrace whatever is in store for me, but then the feelings of getting emotionally burned creep into my spirit. As a result of that, I just stay in my shell. I never truly express what I want and who I am. It's the drawback to having a Venus in Cancer. That or Secret was telling me that I needed to go to bed.
2. This represents your beauty. 8 of Swords
There is a vulnerability to my beauty. It yearns to shine, but it's scared to. Of course this ties into the 4 of Swords. Being burned from the past just wants my beauty to shy away and be invisible. At the same time, it does want to be able to come forth and be present, but it doesn't want to get hurt again.
3. What your beauty consist of. Strength
I think that there is an inner strength to my beauty that I have yet to embrace. I will be able to bring out the best in myself and the best in others.
4. What your beauty can offer others. 5 of Wands
I have absolutely no idea what this means in regards to what it can offer other people. I'll have people fighting over me? I wish...
5. How you see your beauty. The World
I'm beginning to acknowledge that I'm me. I'm flawed in many ways, and that's what makes me beautiful. I used to cringe at seeing my stretch marks, my bad skin, or my surgery scar, but I can't change that. It's better to let them be a part of me than to spend time hating myself over it. Now that I'm thinking about my view of the card while writing this out, I think back to the photo shoot I did in the park. It was so freeing, it was so amazing. I felt beautiful.
6. How others see your beauty. Knave of Pentacles
There are women out there who are just so beautiful and striking that they're almost unapproachable. I can't really think of a woman who's like that, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I... am not one of those women. That's not to say that I'm putting myself down. It's more like, there's a practical approach. People see that I don't wear makeup except for when I dance, and that adds a humanistic, for lack of a better term, approach. My beauty doesn't intimidate others.
7. Why people are intimidated by your beauty. Queen of Cups
I think people are intimidated by my beauty because it's disarming. I seem to have this ability to draw stories out of people. As much as I like to talk about myself, I think people open up to me and express their feelings to me. It reminds me of this book called the Passion Principle by Donna LeBlanc, where the author categorizes people into the Lover, Creator, Warrior, Visionary, and Prophet. I most identified with the Creator, as someone who tends to be the shoulder to cry on and focuses so much on other people at the expense of my own needs. The Pisces Moon allows me to feel other people's energy, and I think people may get freaked out by that.
8. What your beauty wants you to know. Queen of Pentacles
My beauty wants me to stay true to myself, but I also need to take care of my body. I need to work out more. Take care of my home. I definitely need to go out into nature a lot more as well. Sometimes, walking around the neighborhood makes a whole world of difference.
9. How your beauty will remain at old age. Queen of Swords
It looks like, I'll have to learn about different beauty regimens to keep my youthful appearance and vitality.
The first thing that struck me was that three of the four queens came out. It's also quite telling that the Queen of Wands didn't appear. It's because I'm the least like her. I don't have that certain energy that Queen possesses. Even though she's hunched over, she still has a presence about her. If I see her, I know that I have to pay attention to her. The others have a different presence about them. The Queen of Cups doesn't appear much, but I relate to her in a way that I lack with the Queen of Wands.
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