Of all of the queens, she has been my biggest nemesis. Every time she pops up in a spread, I groan because I say to myself, that woman is not me and I am not that woman. I've identified mostly with the Queen of Pentacles (I really am such a nurturing person, that's the Venus in Cancer) and to a lesser extent the Queen of Swords (when I'm in a pissy mood). I see the QoW as a woman with such a powerful spirit. When she walks into a room, everyone sees her. She's charming, energetic, and seductive. All of the things I thought I wasn't. Turns out, we're more alike than I ever realized.
Although I'm just now coming to this realization, I've thought about this over this past weekend especially since QoW came out as my shadow card during the Full Moon. On one of my little weekend dance party sprees, a guy I was snuggly with (the Devil in full effect!) told me that I have this magnetic energy, that I have this ability to draw people in. He sees it when I dance, and he saw it when I was having a conversation with another guy in the Cuddle Puddle. He even said that he hates it when I'm self-deprecating because of this magnetism, and that I should own my power.
Last night, I was at another party solo which was awesome for two reasons: 1) I got to finally meet Ikonika (amazing dubstep DJ) after sending my choreography to her over a year ago and 2) I get to dance. It was so inspiring to be in the presence of another artist I respect, and to be able to dance freely while she spun. It was another situation where I got approached by guys who noticed my dancing. I didn't do anything but dance and get really sweaty. More importantly, it was to allow myself to dance without caring what people thought.
I usually spend my time blissfully unaware about stuff like this, but now that I'm really trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me inside, I can see how she plays into my life. Originally, I was going to say that the QoW is the first queen that people encounter, but that's an overly simplified view since there are so many layers to her. She's my creative energy as well as being my social butterfly.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Full Moon
I'm back! Here's my first spread in quite some time. What else would it be other than the Full Moon Spread?
1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. The High Priestess
I started working with a book called Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Bonner. It's an interesting book so far, and I'm writing to my Voice (or Spirit Guide). I guess you can say it's therapy without actually going to a therapist, and I feel like I've been reaching into my unconscious self. It's amazing to see what has been able to come out as I write. Things that I used to think weren't a big deal turn out to be a big deal, for example. I think my main spirit guide is happy that I'm doing this. I think she even helped me find the right journal for this endeavor (I Hope You Dance was on the cover).
2. What gets completed. What closes a cycle. 8 of Pentacles
I think this has to do with me as a makeup artist. It's having the opportunity to learn so much from amazing artists like Kathy Aragon, Johnny Lavoy, and Jon Hennessey, and being able to apply that to my craft to become a better artist.
3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you...or what needs to be. 4 of Wands
I think the carefree life is close to coming to an end. I'll need to have at least a part-time job to support my makeup career, and to fund my travels. I have to think in long term, although I usually am incapable of thinking beyond tomorrow.
0. Yourself. Shadow card, from the base of the deck. Queen of Wands
Hmm. This is interesting, because I don't really identify with her. I think she represents the creative side of myself that's really struggling to be released right now. That's the only thing I can really think of.
1. What can be seen with clarity, so bright that it can even blind you. The High Priestess
I started working with a book called Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Bonner. It's an interesting book so far, and I'm writing to my Voice (or Spirit Guide). I guess you can say it's therapy without actually going to a therapist, and I feel like I've been reaching into my unconscious self. It's amazing to see what has been able to come out as I write. Things that I used to think weren't a big deal turn out to be a big deal, for example. I think my main spirit guide is happy that I'm doing this. I think she even helped me find the right journal for this endeavor (I Hope You Dance was on the cover).
2. What gets completed. What closes a cycle. 8 of Pentacles
I think this has to do with me as a makeup artist. It's having the opportunity to learn so much from amazing artists like Kathy Aragon, Johnny Lavoy, and Jon Hennessey, and being able to apply that to my craft to become a better artist.
3. What begins to fade away, to abandon you...or what needs to be. 4 of Wands
I think the carefree life is close to coming to an end. I'll need to have at least a part-time job to support my makeup career, and to fund my travels. I have to think in long term, although I usually am incapable of thinking beyond tomorrow.
0. Yourself. Shadow card, from the base of the deck. Queen of Wands
Hmm. This is interesting, because I don't really identify with her. I think she represents the creative side of myself that's really struggling to be released right now. That's the only thing I can really think of.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Artist Spread
Wow, I haven't written in a hot minute. It's been super crazy with my part time job and with dancing. I basically work, dance, eat, shower, and sleep. This is the first time I've had a day off to just sit around and do nothing in a while, so... time for a new spread.
I remember putting this spread in my journal as one of the spreads that I would love to use. When I saw Super-Frog's entry about the Artist Spread, and it was something that I needed. I've been in such a rut creatively, and I feel like I've lost my voice (my massage therapist noted that there was tension in my jaw). I thought it would be a good spread to do. I used Dream Enchantress with it.
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
1. How the past affects the future. 10 of Swords
I have some demons that I'm currently battling right now, and it's affecting my ability to express myself. I had a situation where someone close to me had made a comment about a new costume that I'm certain came out the wrong way, and it affected what I did when I was on the stage. I just wanted to go home and never perform in it again.
2. How the project affects you right now. Ace of Swords
I do have ideas floating around. Nothing solid yet, but I have some things going. I think I just have to be patient about it, and it will come.
3. How to begin the project. 3 of Swords
I think I have to take the time to focus. I often have so many ideas swirling around my head that nothing ends up getting done. I should take one thing, and spend the time to work on it. If I don't, nothing gets done at all.
4. How to continue the project. Queen of Cups
I have to allow myself the ability to embrace my emotions. That's the only way I'll be able to get any project going. I've found in my dance that the emotions do play a huge difference in how I feel when I'm performing.
5. How to finish the project. 7 of Cups
Let me just say right now, this is my absolute favorite card among all decks I have. It's so beautiful, I'm just filled with calm when I see it. I have to mother my project. Encourage it to develop, then set it free. Let it go out into the universe.
6. How to share the project in a way that will lead to... 3 of Wands
I just simply have to perform it. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable by putting it out there into the world.
7. ...the future. 6 of Swords
I'll find a higher sense of being, a new place in my journey. It makes sense because in order to move on, I'll need to kill whatever is holding me hostage creatively.
I remember putting this spread in my journal as one of the spreads that I would love to use. When I saw Super-Frog's entry about the Artist Spread, and it was something that I needed. I've been in such a rut creatively, and I feel like I've lost my voice (my massage therapist noted that there was tension in my jaw). I thought it would be a good spread to do. I used Dream Enchantress with it.
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
1. How the past affects the future. 10 of Swords
I have some demons that I'm currently battling right now, and it's affecting my ability to express myself. I had a situation where someone close to me had made a comment about a new costume that I'm certain came out the wrong way, and it affected what I did when I was on the stage. I just wanted to go home and never perform in it again.
2. How the project affects you right now. Ace of Swords
I do have ideas floating around. Nothing solid yet, but I have some things going. I think I just have to be patient about it, and it will come.
3. How to begin the project. 3 of Swords
I think I have to take the time to focus. I often have so many ideas swirling around my head that nothing ends up getting done. I should take one thing, and spend the time to work on it. If I don't, nothing gets done at all.
4. How to continue the project. Queen of Cups
I have to allow myself the ability to embrace my emotions. That's the only way I'll be able to get any project going. I've found in my dance that the emotions do play a huge difference in how I feel when I'm performing.
5. How to finish the project. 7 of Cups
Let me just say right now, this is my absolute favorite card among all decks I have. It's so beautiful, I'm just filled with calm when I see it. I have to mother my project. Encourage it to develop, then set it free. Let it go out into the universe.
6. How to share the project in a way that will lead to... 3 of Wands
I just simply have to perform it. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable by putting it out there into the world.
7. ...the future. 6 of Swords
I'll find a higher sense of being, a new place in my journey. It makes sense because in order to move on, I'll need to kill whatever is holding me hostage creatively.
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